Thanks for the reply. We are absolutely a team when it comes to the kids. In the past, we never put our issues before our responsibilities as parents, and I know my W is relieved that we are maintaining that, mostly. It's just really hard on me since my W's wall is still up so strong, and truthfully, so is mine, so these times together are so weird. They're not really tense, but it's clear there is an elephant in the room that is off limits to discuss, so we are left just chit chatting about little mundane details of our life. I try to joke around, but my heart isn't always really in it. I also worry that it's sending a confusing message to the kids. Are mommy and daddy apart or aren't they?
I don't have great intel about my W's A. I do know they "broke up" about a month ago, whatever that means when they're separated by thousands of miles. The A started crumbling right after she came back from seeing him the last time, so I assume it didn't go well. I know they still talk regularly, as in several times per week. So is it still an A? I say yes. My wife's mood fluxuates wildly day to day for reasons she won't discuss, which I take to mean trouble with OM. From what I've read about affairs, they tend to sputter for a long while before they just die, so that's probably what's going on. I know I can't really trust anything she does or says until it's really over, and she never discusses it with me, for obvious and good reasons.
Thank you for reminding me I need to be patient. It is very hard sometimes. I understand I need to re-establish a friendship with my W, but I get such conflicting advice. On the one hand, re-building the friendship is the first step to reconciliation, but on the other hand, I shouldn't allow her to cake eat, I shouldn't be a doormat, she needs to think I've moved on, etc. That's where I'm really stuck.
