It is a bitter thing when our spouse suddenly no longer holds any love for us in their heart. It is tough to accept, tough to believe, tough to overcome.
The alternative is to hang on in a relationship that really isn't one, constantly accepting next to nothing as our nourishment.
Just as in real life with our physical bodies, we eventually starve to death.
Second chances, third chances...heck, even fourth and fifth chances should be a regular, accepted part of doing everything possible to rebuild the love between and man and woman who have promised a life time to one another. But even these chances should be coming after our spouse expresses their desire FOR us and our life together. These extra chances are motivated by our spouse acknowledging that they have fallen short in giving the relationship their all.
Where has that happened K?
A life as a divorced person is far preferable to the treatment that he is giving you right now.
He treats you with the kind of disdain that is usually reserved for the ones in our lives that we would rather never have to deal with. Can he not even find the common decency to treat you with respect even if only because you are the mother of your children together?
Everything is about him.
Every conversation seems to be about HIS difficulties.
Every future plan has to do with HIS activities.
Every involvement with you seems to have to include the children or be because of the children.
I find very little redeeming in this man.
And I find nothing that suggests he has even the slightest interest in rebuilding/renewing a life with you.
And I am so very sorry to say these things.
You were in a much better place before he looked back.
Now it is time for you to move forward on your own. Whatever that includes, whatever it entails.
You have the ability to care for your children and yourself. Your strength is obvious. Fears about your future are really just fears of the unknown.
Stay strong and continue to believe in who YOU are.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Thank you my friends. It's hard for me to go slow, so to speak, not to call him and say I am done etc etc, when my emotions are strong. So, I am trying to be careful and make sure, that this is what I can support, not making any jerk moves due to what happened yesterday. Because I know what I want, I am trying to make sure he wont have any effect on me if he tries. If for example HE pulls the kids'card (hasnt so far).
Jeff, he is a man that cant handle 2 "things". We are one, his work is the other one. He has made his choice. He is a "good" guy, that is unable to deal with life. He just cant. Until he was 30, his parents took care of him. Then I did. Maybe the next family he creates will be luckier. ( ). I swear, he would be your favorite friend if you met him. Low profile, kind, polite, smart, generous. He just isnt good for me and really bad as a H. Thank God he seems to remain a "good" father.
Bill, I hear you. Yes I was in a much better place before he looked back. Happier, stronger, even looked better... (vanity you call it?)
My exH (from Tx) sent me an email and attached a story he wrote for his writer's class. He wrote a short story about meeting me in 1987. Very touching. He describes me as..."a real live Greek Godess",LOL, anyway, at the email he said, "This is what everybody still sees I am sure when they meet you. Or at least that is what they should see, because your beauty was always coming from within, find it again and be YOU again".
I received it yesterday(my time) when I got back. I needed it. Because xH KNOWS me very well. And he is not trying to be cute or wants something from me. We probably wont see each other for the next 5 years or so... And he doesnt think I am mean. And I was much meaner to him if I may say so.
I think I maybe making a mistake with my life. I see "limits" everywhere, obstacles, worries. I dont see opportunities, room to expand, adventures to be lived... I think that is my mom speaking in my head. "Your life is finished once you have your kids, you should dedicate yourself to them, period, or NOT have any"... Got to change that.
This week I am going back to work and my kids to school. On Friday we celebrate 1st of May, off day. My brother suggested we go away for the long weekend. I said I am in. H works on Saturday and definitely cant come. What a shame!!! Thank you K
I think you are seeing things, and they are getting clearer. Of course you are a Mom, and you are dedicated to your kids! But that doesn't mean that you have to give up on yourself! I think you will find your kids do better when you do better.
Didn't I say a happy mum has happy children and happy children are confident and cope well with life's ups and downs.
Maria you are a good mum and it is both normal and natural and indeed IMO right that we put them first but NOT to the detriment of our own life. How can you shine if your sinking, time to start swimming once you know where you are going to.
One thing I've learned naej, is NOT to plan anymore. Having a direction in mind is useful, being rigid about how and with whome to get there is stupid. The last 13 years of my life I thought H was part of my future. I even thought that without him, there would be no future for me. Now, I try to keep all options open. Keep my dreams simple and to my immediate reach. Life is every day, not someday. I am learning. K
Hi there K...I'm afraid I struggle with offering much - one thing I have noticed about myself is that I have a problem offering anything of any worth to women on this board-and that is not because I don't appreciate the the details of their situation or their pain...its simply because I can't "think" myself into the subtlety of the feelings involved and rather than pitch in I've always found myself holding back for fear of running in like a bull in a china shop...
So - long way of saying - I do keep visiting your corner of the DB Board and my love and support to you...
). I swear, he would be your favorite friend if you met him. Low profile, kind, polite, smart, generous. He just isnt good for me and really bad as a H. Thank God he seems to remain a "good" father.