Sorry, not quite sure how to do that quote thingy but when you say about your H that
"he has said over the last few months that I don't know who he is..."
it made me smile. Seems like MLC brings out such a selfishness in them. So he knows who you are? Do you even know who you are? We`re all on a journey and so much of it has to be made alone with parts of us yet to be revealed to ourselves, never mind anyone else.
So his OW knows him better than you? And you`ve been together 21 years.
No, I wouldn`t say any of that to him but please give yourself a break on that one. MLCers will doing anything to blame those closest to them.
Stand back and stand tall. Do your GAL stuff-you`re already doing that anyhow.
I do think its important that the kids know Dad loves them. I think its important that you praise their Dad to them. "Your Dad loves you dearly and even when you were little he was such a great Dad" give them the anecdotes of chidlhood stuff they`re too young to remember, that kind of thing. I believe it can lessen their sense of conflict and self blame in separation.
And after than trust in their resilience. If you hover too much they`ll just get over anxious.
There`s another woman in all of this. Lord knows what hold she has over your H. Maybe he`s the one feeling a huge split. He`1l feel it more if he sees a happy, attractive,lovingly detached you. He`s got a much bigger bond with you than her-a lifetime of history and two lovely daughters.She may well move on to other prey when she`s finished with him. And he may already be well on his way to discovering the grass is not greener when the honeymoon`s over.
It will take time. Use all that time for you! Get a life just like you`ve been doing. Don`t worry about forgetting his good points. In fact do forget them if it helps you distance from him!
Have as much fun as you possibly can for the girls sake too. Our main duty as parents is to make happy memories for them and to be the happiest people we can be coping with what life throws at us.
