Sortoff in a similar situation 2inlimbo. H had EA, don`t think PA went beyond kiss and cuddle and yeah, the problem is ME! Well, that`s what he thinks. I even had a similar recovery from you-a great reconciliation that lasted a couple of months then H getting more withdrawn, unloving, and me getting angrier and more confused. And yes, he`s convinced its all my fault. I have no friends(he said) no class(he said), we have nothing in common and he doesn`t know whether he loves me or not. Oh I could go on-and believe me it gets worse!-but its funny how these guys can screw up their marriage vows, drag us through the humiliation of an affair, attempts to break up our families... and still say its all OUR fault!
With that said, from all I`ve read, the very best thing we can do in a situation like this is to change ourselves. No not change ourselves to cut and fit into what I husbands want us to be, but to value ourselves, to care for ourselves, to ask what do I want for me out of life instead of focusing first on what everyone else wants.
I too am living separately in the same house with my H. Not an easy ticket. Since Oct(cos that`s when we split too) I`ve pretty much gone on a journey within myself.I`ve worked my way through Louise Hay`s books(love her for aspirations, and yes, they do work) Susan Jeffers, and Melanie Beattie(I definitely havea co dependency tendency). They have all helped me heal,and crucially led me to valuing me.
My self care has gone through the roof. I`m sleeping eating exercising and back on the GAL track too. I know I look good now. And I`m having more fun these past couple of months with my kids and with family and friends than I`ve had for a long time.Everything-except my relationship with H-has improved so much.
Having my nose pressed right up to the implications of separation I have decided more recently to hunt out my old copies of Divorce Remedy and Divorce Busting(bought last summer when my world was falling apart). Its like I`m ready now to divorce bust. I`ve minded me first, now I`m ready to save the marriage.
I think you have to focus your efforts on you for YOU; not for your husband`s sake. Its your husband who should be working harder to have you in his life. That`s why I`m not so sure you should be doing the love dare thing with LRT. Love dare sounds to me like pursuing.
Anyway, what are the changes he`s made? He`s boing more secretive and has driven you to the point of bankruptcy. Sounds like he`s in the fantasy world of the MLCer and again, you`re not to blame for that either.
I love all you`ve achieved already. That`s all good for YOU. Its great that you have friends(boy, they can keep you going at a time like this) and a good laugh.Get going on positive affirmations about you. Draw up a vision board of what you want in life.
Forgive yourself for backpedalling. We all do that. Its a two steps forward one step back kind of game
