Thank you davidswife. I am going to use your line and then explain to her I am now setting a boundary (as stated above). i am also going to expand on the fact she decides on the house fittings etc, therefore as I am no longer a part of the decision process I am no longer assisting with 'household' tasks.
What do you think?
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
OK, will do and thank you. As an aside, and I know I must not keep thinking what she will think if I do this or that (and in this case I don't), would this help in restoring a degree of respect?
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I need some swift advice. My wife who mostly communicates via text has just told me she has been in the garden all day with her dad and has 10 rubbish bags and other stuff to take to the tip. She used my name for the first time in a while in a text but I suspect it is because she wants me to do something for her, usually the texts are negative and my name is never used. She 'wondered if I would be kind enough to take them to the tip, hope that is ok, thanks alot'.
Coach said a first step to reconcilliation is friendship. If a friend asked me to take some bags to the tip then I would, though I would not say the way my wife has been treating me would be constued as 'friendship'. This is the conundrum - does taking the rubbish to the tip be seen as doormat and 'cake-eating', or a sign of friendship in helping re-build our relationship?
I am going to tell her I will do anything to help her if it pertains to the children. I am going to set this as a boundary, she is quite happy to buy light fittings, curtains without my imput as she told me the house will not be mine much longer. Yet, she still wants to be a run around when it suits her.
I have great advice from davidswife which I am going to take, but before I send my response please could I have some other views before I text back. What should I write in my response?
Last edited by markhaving probs; 04/27/0906:54 AM.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
Personally I'd ignore the text and if she questions it make out you never received it. She either wants you or she doesn't.....you're not a convenience item.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Thank you for responding. She will try to contact me again if she thinks I did not get the text, when she does do you think I should go ahead with the 'boundary' approach? I want her to start having to fend for herself.
She certainly does not want me, especially at the moment but I think she is just using me to do all the crap jobs because she knows how I feel.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I have just received a phone call from me wife asking me if I had received the text regarding the garden rubbish. She went into a rant about me being selfish and all I call about is myself, and this is a main reason why we are in this position. She then went on and said "you should be clearing the garden because you said you loved me and you promised to help me, absolute crap. Now I have got to drag the children down to the tip and make 5 trips because you are too selfish". I have so made the right decision about us". She then went on and attacked me for lack of help with the children, taking them to school, picking them up which she said I have never done and never offered. She then said what time are you coming over to pick the children up for tea, I told her and she said why can't they stay over, and I told her I was going out. She then went into a rant again saying I was selfish AGAIN, and just think about yourself - out of sight, out of mind. She said my sons bike needed repairing and she could'nt do everything herself. I felt like saying "well we know why", but I didn't.
She is right on these things and in actual fact I have not rung my children since I saw them on Friday night/Saturday morning, which is hindsight is scandalous really. I feel I have really made the situation worse by not taking the bags. I told her I have no imput into the house so I making a boundary that I will be as co-operative as I can with the children but that's it. She then asked me what I was going to do when I moved back into the house in June when she moves out. I told her I would cut the grass and keep it in shape,
She sort of then said if it wasn't for your selfishness we would not be in this situation, unless I mis-heard her, but if I did hear right this is the first time she has 'opened up'. She also said mutual friends of ours who are divorced the husband who she said had an affair still goes around to the house and cuts trees etc. My FIL also apparantly asked her why I did not do much work in the garden.
I feel absolutely blown away with this conversation and I did the wrong thing and tried to deny I was selfish, which was probably the wrong thing to do. I now feel as though I should take the bags but would look weak.
Please somebody give me advice as I really need to know what to do?
Last edited by markhaving probs; 04/27/0909:09 AM.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
