f, Continue doing what you've been doing in the way of dbing. Just remember, dbing is not only to assist in saving the marriage, but it's to assist you in moving on and getting a life whether he comes back or not.
No relationship talks...he can't handle them right now. Follow his lead when it comes to discussions. As for the ow, I wouldn't raise this issue w/him again. The more you ask questions, the more you are pushing him towards her. He is her white knight and he needs to protect her. Most likely she's crying on his shoulder about her broken marriages and her life and, of course, his ego is going through the roof because she selected him to save her. Your h is very vulnerable right now and his ego needs boosting be it from stroking that ego, admiration and affirmation and he isn't seeking it from you because you know him entirely too well. He can sugar coat things to this ow and she doesn't know the history that you have together.
While visiting the Mother Ship, he'll say one thing and do another. Lying is a true trait of mlc just as confusion, wanting freedom, spending, health issues, disappearing for hours on end, etc. The one thing you must do is protect your assets. Ensure that you have money in the bank under your name only, the same would apply to credit cards. Make sure that the bills are paid on time, for time stands still w/them and they don't care if they get paid or not because they are selfish w/their money.
I know that this is very difficult for you, but you need to go on w/your life as if he'll never return from the Mother Ship. He needs this time to grow up. You, on the other hand, are already a mature adult. You will need to remain strong and have plenty of patience during this time. Do not believe anything he says and only about 1/2 of what he does. Do not take what he says to you to heart, for he is speaking out from pain that has been buried deep within. This is your time to do what you want as well. Give him plenty of space and a lot of time to explore "space".
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
