Oldtimers: IS Mlcer good parent after crises?

[Sanderika]

Peace,

I want to tell you that your kids are like my son. After all these months H has been with OW (44), OW has NEVER met our son. I won't allow it. Son doesn't want it. H doesn't push it.

I agree with your "agreement". To me just because H wants OW in his life doesn't mean his kids want any part of it. I don't feel bad for my H that he doesn't have son in his life. It's H's choice and his alone. I do not push a relationship between H and son. We are separated with a D pending and we have no visitation agreement at all. H sees son when it is convenient for H.

I have had to realize that our son's feelings towards my H ARE very different from mine. I want H back, son doesn't.

My H left us when our son was 9, he is now 13. His feelings of abandon and neglect by H run so deep in him that he hates him now.

Our son is probably going to be "braveheart" as a man.

Like "braveheart" our son has lost all trust for his dad. If H wants a relationship with his son, H is going to have to do the work, and it won't be easy. I know our son, at 13, feels that deep betrayal and doesn't care at this point if H is in his life. Right now, our son is cordial to his father only because I demand it. When son is a man he will treat H as he pleases or as H deserves, I am sure. He has no need or use for him. When H calls, son says "What's he want"? Son does not want to see his dad or have him around.

Peace,

I think what I am saying is...our kids have suffered so much hurt by this point in time from these MLC dads. Should it really matter to us whether they decide to be goods dads when the crisis is over? I say not.

What should matter to us is the relationship we have with our kids and from what I read about you and what I see right here in my home, our relationship with our kids has been made even stronger because we are the parents that didn't neglect and abandon them. We will be the parents our kids want to be around and turn to not our H's. You and I will have a relationship with our kids even when they are grown and on their own. I honestly can't imagine being my H and not wanting to see my kid everyday. It just blows my mind how someone can be so selfish towards their kids.

My sister and her H divorced when her D's were 3 and 4. Today those girls are 21 and 22. They are married and one has a baby girl. They have had zero contact with their dad since the age of 11 and 12 when their dad finally cut off all contact. Their dad wasn't invited to their HS graduations, weddings and he doesn't even know he is a grandfather. It's all his loss. These are wonderful girls and he is an a$$. He doesn't deserve a relationship with them. OH, he cut off all ties to avoid child support payments.

Peace, put your energy into your relationship with them, he isn't putting any energy or worry into it, so why should you?

You look forward with them, they love and respect you and that is all that should matter to you.

Take care,

Sanderika