MLC and affair - how to handle?

[foreverhesaid]

I guess there isn't a way to add a story to the profile. So my situation is that for our 10 year anniversary my husband decided to have an affair. I knew that things were not right for the past year, mostly because my H was burned out at work. I think this was the start of his MLC. Yes, he started buying new clothes, lost weight, bought the fancy sports car, and suddenly everything that I did was wrong. We work together, and for the past 10 years he had not taken a vacation, despite my begging and pleading, and our entire family telling him he needed a break. I finally stopped prodding him, because I realized that he was the one who needed to decide when he had had enough. So finally he decided to take off on weekends, what I started to call his MLC trips (not to his face, this was in my head). At first it was just him driving his sportscar for hours at a time, then it turned into overnight trips. I was still kind of OK with this, because I was just glad at first that he was taking the break he so desperately needed. Sometime in there however, he was contacted via email by an old girlfriend, who had just dumped her second husband. I suspect she is MLC too and they started to feed off of each other. When I started to see lots of email from this OW (I couldn't read the emails but saw just who they were from, he has a password protected account) I confronted him. First he denyed EA, but finally did say that he realized it was wrong. This did not stop however, and now on his weekend MLC trips I think that he goes to see her. Not every time, but perhaps twice a month. I suspect a PA, although he hasn't admitted that. However I am practical enough to know that they probably aren't just getting together to have dinner. So, I did all of the wrong things. Got depressed, lost 20 pounds, cried for days on end. Suggested MC, which he refused. Was even suicidal for a time but realized then that I would be making a decision for him if I wasn't here. He actually told me that our marriage was perfect 'on paper', whatever that means, and that this wasn't my fault and that he wouldn't change a thing. I know that our marriage can't be perfect if he is going outside it for validation or sex. This was all made more difficult by us being together at work every day and putting on a happy face. I decided not to tell anyone else about his affair - mostly because I know that everyone we know (our families and friends) would urge him to stop the affair and come back to me, and that in the past he does the exact opposite of what they urge, so this wouldn't work in my favor. Also, he has so much stupid male pride, that if he left and even if things didn't work out with the OW, it would be alot for him to swallow to come back and be with me.
I finally found this website, which has been a godsend. Everything else I read basically said my marriage was finished, and that there was no hope. To find someone who even thought reconciliation was possible did wonders for my psyche. So, since starting DB, about three weeks, I have seen some positive changes, as I mentioned above. He even spent last weekend at home, more so probably because it was his mothers birthday than anything having to do with me, but I was just glad that he was with me and not OW.

I welcome any suggestions or thoughts of encouragement. Sometimes this hurts so bad I dont' know where to turn.