He is trying to blame everything on you, his anger, his unhappiness, everything! You know it isn't true, but I am sure it still hurts. A lot.
I think you both need time apart, but at the same time, that isn't going to make any good progress happen, either. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry!
Very sorry about what happened and even more sorry that it happenned in front of your kids. Hope you had a good sleep in spite of your tumultuous day. I undestand why you invited your H........Don't do anything drastic.
K, ugh! Sorry for the car incident, take it easy for now.
Relationships sometimes fall into bad patterns that tend to repeat themselves and cars are not a good place to be in under these conditions. I remember by W yelling at me so many times in the car when I lost my way or we somehow got delayed getting some place on the freeways and after several minutes of this I'd get so tense that I'd yell 'shut up' - not a good thing at all. Your H appears to be stressed more than anything else. Is there a way for you to de-escalate these sorts of situations? Does anyone have suggestions?
It would be good if you guys can get away someplace for a few days without the kids and attend a marriage workshop (in Greek of course) - I could be just speculating, but there's bound to be something like this available for you.
Our C suggested one that took place on Rs 3 months ago. I said I would go, he said he wouldnt. I got upset, the C said I should LET him do as pleases and that his denial didnt mean anything. In my book it did. Still does. I was made to feel insensible because I wanted him to go.
John, I invited him because we are still "reconciling", every weekend is our only time together. Not doing anything drastic...
Had a good night sleep. It has been a while since I've beem alone. K
I didnt know what to say either.. but that yes, he seems very stressed, overworked, tired and angry and is clearly taking it out on you, not that you are the problem (how can you be, you hardly see him?). I think your H is in bad shape, mentally or emotionally, or maybe both, who knows!
But.. perhaps you are just sick of him being mean and taking his stress or anger out on you, not only now, but before and during your M. I still say you should ask him if he is ok, is he happy and does he really mean the horrible things he says? Ask him another time, somewhere away from the house and car in a neutral place and when you are both calm, not during an argument.
Thinking of you xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
We are due for a conversation. I am not very much up to it but maybe I should. Of course, I may get a chance to have it in about a month from now... Work, you know. K
Kalni, I've been following your sitch for at least a couple of months now and I see huge parallels with mine.
My sitch is: My h had an EA which turned into a one time PA (Sep 06). He confessed the PA (Nov 06) but lied about who it was with. He said it was someone I didn't know. On 12 Feb 07, he revealed that it was actually a fairly good friend of ours who would babysit our daughter regularly and whom I had confided in. That was bomb #1 and #2. We separated between Bomb #1 and Bomb #2 (29 Jan 07). You can understand, I'm sure, why I was extremely upset and mistrustful and angry with him about that.
Once we were separated he carried on what turned into a PA with another chick that turned out to be quite psycho. Heaps of bad stuff happened to do with her. I didn't know about her until Dec 07 and we had still been sleeping with each other from time to time - at least up till Oct 07 when he started going out with yet another girl. Around Jan 08 he broke up with her and started pursuing me again. But then he's backed off since about July 08 and is sooo busy with work (we are still separated and have a 7 year old daughter who lives with me). I'm pretty close to pulling the pin, there is so much water under the bridge that I think needs to be discussed and acknowledged (he even got physical with me in Nov 07 and lately I've been thinking about that every day) and he just keeps saying, after this work project is done, after this event is done etc etc.
So I am in major limbo too....I read your posts in desparation hoping for inspiration. I can see your frustration and am just as clueless.
Last edited by Purple; 04/26/0911:50 AM.
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
It sucks...they claim to want to be married yet make themselves irritatingly unavailable, both physically and emotionally.
I'm not sure if I even 'like' my h anymore. Am I just holding on for the sake of the marriage and our daughter? Maybe I would be happier on my own and hopefully finding someone that I click with a lot better. (We've been together on and off since I was 17 and I've not had any other long term relationship other than him).
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
Hi Purple, you are down under, no? I am familiar with your sitch alittle bit. Dont know/remember all details but I used to lurk from time to time...
Yes I am frustrated and mostly disappointed. I think he is throwing away our last chance and that he is taking advantage of my patience. I dont think he is aware how critical the situation is as far as I am concerned. And I am not sure anymore it's me that he wants anyway.
Sorry you feel the same way. Time will give us all the answers I suppose. xxxx K
And... I feel sometimes that I must take the next step, be brave enough, you know? Cut my losses... (Maybe if I would win the lottery things would be easier. LOL)
It's my damn head that gets in the way, the responsibility I feel towards my kids, the fear for my future, I dont want to end up a bitter divorcee, alone and lonely.
At some point, reality is too clear to ignore. I am getting there. K
