Everyone on your thread is always super supportive and that is what we come here for. But sometimes the things you say, worry me. Especially as I think I remember you work as a therapist, or mental health nurse or something? So I wonder if you couldnt be able to 'see' with more clarity perhaps, human nature.
When you say "Ex and OW are trying so hard to "be in love" to justify all their horrible behaviors." .. has it ever occurred to you (sad as it is for you and your M).. that your ex actually IS in love with this woman? Afterall, he fell in love with you once? So he does have the capacity to do that.
People tell me all the time that men are quite straightforward, that I should take on face value what they do/say... if your H professes to love this woman, and it has been 4 years afterall, do you think perhaps you should work on acceptance that that might be true? As hard as it is, I know, but how else are you supposed to read it? If you accept he is gone and 'let go' he may surprise you, who knows?
In terms of DBing.. my DB coach told me even after just 6 months with ow, to perhaps write him a letter.. to say, I accept it, you have chosen ow, but I would like us to at least be friends. Give him permission to feel the weight of his decision and to respect his choice.. only when you really let them go can you tell if they want to come back. Its human nature. I'm sorry I am not explaining it very well.
Why is he bad mouthing you? What things is he saying?
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
