Well, for what its worth for anyone else caught in the craziness of an ailing marriage, this is how I survived the latest piece of craziness.
I strongly considered going to my lawyer to initiate separation proceedings. Soon dropped that thought though when I realised I could be overreacting and causing more harm to all of us.
Then I considered breaking the lock of the bedroom door so H wouldn`t be able to lock himself in. Even bought the chewing gum to do the job! But then had a light bulb moment.
I had spent the past two weeks working(to my mind)180 beautifully. I was doing the opposite to what H had expected me to do. And I was wonderfully calm about everything, never rising to the bait and enjoying myself. Butinstead of improving, I was bothered that H seemed to be deteriorating -getting more withdrawn and trying to trigger me in little ways.
Now, in taking the master bedroom and dumping me out to the guest room he had found a way to get to me, draw me into the game, the craziness the push pull of the codependent relationship. A way to break my calm.
I decided that sleeping in the guest room would be just fine for me. I spent the day prepping myself for that possibility.
No it never came up in conversation. Old me would have brought it up and asked H what was that all about. New me didn`t go there. Old me would have braced myself for an attack and attacked back. New me just smiled at H-sincerely! and just mentioned the business of the day-the kids- and didn`t get upset when H disappeared off for the evening either.
I got on with all I had planned to do, enjoyed my day and made sure H had first call on which room to sleep in.
In the end up he slept in the guestroom.
You know, it`s such a non-biggie for me where I sleep that now I`m thinking maybe I should offer to sleep in the guestroom. Not quite sure yet. But I`m very sure that I need to go back to read Co-Dependent No More by Melanie Beattie. And I`m pretty sure that my 180 stuff is going just fine. H has noticed a change, he is subconsciously testing it.
I`m still concerned about the irrationality and premeditated aspect(it took a while to gather up all those keys) of his behaviour.Detaching from him has helped me see more clearly that he is suffering from depression or something. When I look back at better times, this is not my Old H but some entirely different creature.
I spoke to my eldest son-who had witnessed the bedroom war and told him everyone goes through funny phases in their lives ans that Dad was giong through a bit of a patch and we all needed to cut him some slack, give him time and space to work through it. I told him he really is a good dad and that he loves us all very much.
I will go talk to H`s doctor to let him know about the irrationality and withdrawn behaviour of H. Maybe he can help him.
And now I`m off to mind me and the kids look at my GAL goals and get on with my own journey!
