AFWAW, You are doing well...good call on spending the day with your daughter. It is not worth it to get in an argument with her. I agree with PortlandDad on telling your wife that kind of talk to your daughter is not going to continue.
There are so many variables going on for you...promotion for both of you, assignment - possible remote? Retirement for you? Regardless of what happens you must protect your future...your daughters future depends on you right now. I doubt your W would give up her retirement but she is trying to even if she doesn't realize it...multiple affairs is a reason for discharge.
I know you have been worried about her getting in trouble if you report this...very hard position for you to be in...very hard. But, it should be evident to you that the affair is still going on (although I sometimes wonder if she is yanking your chain...a Lt Col married to a Col, having an affair with a TSgt, to include calling his wife, and leaving personal items at your W apartment is foolish for him...he would probably not get demoted but he would get passed over for promotion, relieved of command, and possible divorce...hundreds of thousands of dollars of retirement money being tossed away. If your W is lucky she will get marked down on her EPR and no decoration...if she is lucky. Some commanders will not accept this at all and if she did something like this three of four times who knows. Deny her reenlistment is easy…It is not a secret in her shop and soon her "troops" will start disregarding what she tells them to do and then turn her in when she tries, if she does, to enforce some rule. Her own fault...
Take care of your daughter is always #1. Not sure how you did it but you did a great job with her (W) taking the bills. Very unusual and I expect this will change soon, she will not care that you need money for your daughter and probably has someone telling her she will get half of your retirement to add to her paycheck I am worried about her running up massive debts that later you getting stuck helping pay(marital debt). It is sometimes good idea to do this legally…you do not want to pay for her party life style and it sounds like she is spending too much money.
It is time to expose. If you do not expose this "affair or inappropriate relationship". (I am not sure what to call it because I do not think you have any proof other than her confession (which she will deny) then her attitude will continue to worsen) (like you saw today and the last few times on the phone). It is not going to get better and you are not going to walk on the beach. Her "desire" to renew your vows is just a way to keep you hooked until she feels she like she has a backup plan firmed. Until this affair is exposed and over nothing is going to change for you and your daughter although I expect your daughter will get a few toys like an iPod or something to ease the guilt.
You must tell your Shirt and Commander. Your Shirt should have a good relationship with her Shirt and the Shirt of the Lt Col. This will put an incredible amount of stress on him and your wife. Unless there is more going on here (mental, drugs, etc) than we know the "no contact" order will put the brakes on this relationship quickly.
You are not going to be able to do anything until this happens. Keep working on yourself, improve your PT score, stay away from the booze, enroll for one online class for your masters, go to church, have fun with your daughter (she will be gone before you know it) What happens with your wife will happen, but not by you chasing and begging her. Maintain your pride, regardless of what happens you got an incredible daughter out of this who obviously adores her dad! Take care
