HELP! Is ML to try to reconnect a mistake?

[MrBond]

It's never too late. I think all of us who have posted here thought that it was too late. That we could never save our M.

But we still try and persevere and some even get back together after they've been D.

So never say never.

I second BND. Read and re-read DB and DR.

And most importantly go out and live. Get your mind off this as best you can. Only then can you be true to yourself and not react to every little thing your H does.

[trampledheart]

It's been awhile since I posted...

Today was my third C appt the MFT, and she was concerned that I'm unable to stop focusing on H... (wow, I just felt weird typing "my" H, as if it's a lie, and so I deleted the "my"). *Sigh*

My C feels I'm isolated, and she want me to do things, maybe even think about dating. She asked why I want to be with H when he doesn't want to be with me. I wish I could detach...it's just so hard.

I shared with my C that my Atty emailed me to bring in the signed Proof of Service for the Legal Sep, but I haven't done that yet. I think it's because I don't really want to go forward. I'm scared it will really mean the end. I only meant to secure myself financially from further ruin. But I think H took it to mean an end, like a "divorce". I'm also afraid H will reply by choosing to Divorce instead of Legal Sep (it's only a box that he has to check, and then it would be a divorce).

Is there a way to communicate that to him, that I only want to do this for financial reasons? And to ask him to agree to that? I feel like that's not possible, that the whole process with Attys etc will lead to more anger and bad feelings.

I read beginnersmind's post and her conclusions about her husband, and I feel somewhat the same. That I should have done something before... But unlike beginnersmind, I don't have the courage to go through with it right now. I wish I was angry enough now to go forward as I had been a few times in the past. But right now, I'm just so sad and depressed...

Trampledheart