I'm thinking about taking my D papers to the beach to burn them. They have been totally filled out since July 08'. They have been in my kitchen cupboard since we decided not to turn them in in Aug, hidden under the phone books.
They aren't accurate anymore. Most of the info is no longer correct, and also, I don't want a divorce. Why should I keep the awful things around? Isn't Easter all about resurrection?
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Sure, burn it or throw it out or whatever, but I think you should get rid of it. I've read a good idea is to throw out clutter b/c it supposedly lightens your mind and even help you to lose weight somehow. Don't know if that's true, but it sounds good. I'm in the process of getting ready to move and I've been throwing so much out; the kids and I tend to keep almost everything for some reason, and I've found it it really feels good to let all this stuff go. I'm going to donate all my h's books to charity. So I'm helping others too! Hope you're having a good Easter, and make sure to set up some fun time for you too!!! Karen
Its gone. Still in my car, I haven't made it to the beach to burn it yet. But at least those terrible things arent in my house still.
H actually initiated contact the other day, usually I have some news for him or something. I think that he might really just want to be friends. Im trying to not get ahead of myself and not try to decide what hes thinking, but it really makes me mad. I want him to make it up to me I guess. I don't want to be his friend. I want to be his wife. I told him that I thought of him as my best friend still, and he reciprocated, told me that I was the best friend he had ever had. Ugh. I just want to shake him.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
H has decided to undergo hypnotherapy. Really. He hopes that it will help him resolve some of his fears. I didnt press him for exactly what his fears are. Im trying to not hope that this will be some magic wand that will show him how much he wants to come home, but I would be lying if I said that it hadnt crossed my mind.
I got rid of my papers. I burned them in a little fire down on the beach yesterday. It was a pretty good feeling. And if feels great that they are gone now.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Its snowing today. I was planning to go work in the greenhouse, to get it ready, I have tomatoes growing in my kitchen that are 2 feet tall! Now I might just add a little more baileys to my coffee and head back to bed! I hope that by the time I give today a 2nd try it will be raining!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
hey blue...i think its a great thing you did by burning those papers. i am sure it was a powerful moment for you. i read this quote today from a friend and she said "never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about". thought i would share it with you.
i was finally able to read your thread and i think your right about the MLC. i believe my H is going through the same thing and sometimes while reading your thread i felt like i was reading my own story sometimes. i think right now my H is going through the "pity party" stage where he feels he doesn't deserve another chance and that he thinks everyone hates him, etc. Kinda like your H believes you deserve better. I too would like to shake my H because sometimes it gets down right ridiculous!
I believe until they can truely "morn" or let go of their OW and realize that it was a fantasy world they were living in, they are always going to feel not worthy to have us. I guess they need to get passed the A as well just like we have to do. I think by reading all the books and websites we understand more of what they are going through then they do but we are still rendered helpless because I think they don't want our help and they don't want us to be right.
its hard going on their roller coaster rides, but i hope in the end it will be worth it. i believe it will either strengthen our relationship in the end when/if he decides he wants to save the M or I am going to be a stronger, independent, phenomimal divorced woman with no regrets knowing i tried everything possible to get our M through this.
H has decided to undergo hypnotherapy. Really. He hopes that it will help him resolve some of his fears. I didnt press him for exactly what his fears are. Im trying to not hope that this will be some magic wand that will show him how much he wants to come home, but I would be lying if I said that it hadnt crossed my mind.
I got rid of my papers. I burned them in a little fire down on the beach yesterday. It was a pretty good feeling. And if feels great that they are gone now.
I can imagine how tempting that would be. It is hard watching the roller coaster.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Lost, DCBHM, thanks guys, the papers were so old that the info wasnt accurate anymore, and I was tired of having them in my home, and I dont want a D, so there was really no reason to keep them around! Isnt it almost like they are following a script of lines and behaviors when they do this cr@p? They all say and do the same things.
I got some great new assignments for work, sub-tidal clam digging! We want to check them to see if we can make some kind of connection between diet and the sea otter Unusual Mortality Event that I have been working on. I know it may not be exciting for other people, but I havent been diving for years and I am stoked to do it on the federal dime. And I get to go to my very favorite places in the world to do it. We can harvest 800 clams a day, but we only need 30 for the samples, so I am gonna make some chowder!
I havent talked to H for a few days now, he is in Wa for a few weeks for work. I asked him how it felt to be back in the pacific northwest, he said that it made him sad to be stopping short of Alaska. I always wonder when he says these things, if hes sad because he wants to go see the OW. Not that those thoughts do me any good.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Wow, I have decided to not contact H at all until I have to, no more friendly chatter, I dont want to be his friend, I want to be his wife. As a result I havent talked to him for days. Its really hard, I keep thinking of cool things that are happening for me and I want to tell him.
Its funny, if I initiate the contact, he will text with me for hours. We still cant talk to each other without breaking down. But I kind of think that if I wait for him to contact me, I will be waiting forever.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
But I kind of think that if I wait for him to contact me, I will be waiting forever.
Well when he realizes you're LRTing, then he may realize what he's doing/giving up or not, I think that's the theory and I've seen it work here sometimes and sometimes not. I think the purpose of GALing is to keep super busy and make a happy life for yourself whether your H wakes up or not. Karen
I was planning to go work in the greenhouse, to get it ready, I have tomatoes growing in my kitchen that are 2 feet tall! Now I might just add a little more baileys to my coffee and head back to bed! I hope that by the time I give today a 2nd try it will be raining!