It's Complicated! Part 6

[braveheart]

Hey Glam,

How about a vacation?

Maybe plan a trip with the kids to California this Summer.

I wouldn't even mention this to your Husband, just do your own thing right now, and live your life for yourself.

Take a time out from your life for a week and go and visit the family.

You could use a break, and a change of scenery will do you some good.

Only you know where the line in the sand can be drawn, only you know how much you can handle.

Pray for him, and love him from a distance, but do not stop living your life.
((((hugs))))

I think that is an excellent idea! Glam, really, what do you have to lose?

[naej]

As ever BND great suggestions.
A testing of the waters has to be a good move and so helpful on future decision making.

We all need a change of scenery to refresh our spirits.

Hope the week end is going well Glam.

[peacetoday]

GG
some days are overwhelming
then it usually passes ans we are left with a clearer vision for our future
trust in the process
Everything will be made clear to you because you are a seeker
I love the vacation idea
visit the family and see if its a good fit
you have made it through all of this and you will be OK
peace

[Upside]

glam-
I like the vacation idea too. It will give you something to look forward too and you can come and visit me!!!

I hope you are able de-stress and enjoy your weekend.

(((HUGS)))

[glamgirl]

Well still contemplating my life. H's family is coming to visit and then taking D5 for a few weeks on vacation in CA. This will be good, since my work schedule is changing, I can't count on h to watch the kids.

He is not working and now we can't afford childcare and he won't watch the kids during the day. I can't count on him to be ontime and he already said it cuts into his sleep time. OH PLEASE!

I spoke to h's family today. They said they are on their way. They also said they are looking into purchasing a second home near where they live, so could have the possibility of packing up here and I could move into the second home until I get back on my feet. His family is so supportive. I am saddened that h can't see his family that way. He only sees them as he sees me threw him under the bus, wasn't supportive, kicked a man when he was down and h won't let those thoughts go.

The idea of family support, going to church with them, and just being around those that care is so inviting right now. Nobody has any idea how alone I am here. I exist, but I don't really live. I see that changing if I can get out of here and not be saddled with the everyday burdens.

I know that my h will see this as an opportunity to say there you go Glam making your own decisions again. You are off doing your own thing, but he doesn't view himself as off doing his own thing. Wake up h! He has been off doing his own thing for 3 years and I don't really see that changing. What hasn't happened already that would make him want to make a change in his life. Nothing that I am aware of.

My h is stuck and will continue to stay stuck. I learned many things from my h. He once told me "actions speak louder than words". He also said "when you want something bad enough, you will do whatever it takes to make it happen". I don't know what I possibly could do that my h would say his place is in his home. I have tried everything and my h keeps saying Glam you didn't try. I tried everything that I knew how. It takes 2.

I think I will take a vacation in June and I will fly s7 to visit when school is out and then I can bring D5 back too.

Thanks all for listening to my confusion. It's time for me to wake up and make some changes for my own life. H's brother is getting M this summer and it will be just another wedding that h will miss. I see my life continuing as if, unless I pack up and go. I don't see myself continuing as is. I don't want the life I have any longer.

The next step is to see if I can get a job in CA. Upside I look forward to meeting up with you again.

[job]

Glam,
You do what is best for you and our children. I will support you in whatever you opt to do.

[naej]

Glam, I just lsot a post to you, but basically what Snod said.

Would you have any trouble getting a job in CA not sure what your skills are.

Try to take a break from the thinking for a while, long bubble bath with scented candles perhaps.

Take care.

[glamgirl]

Yes I have been doing a lot of thinking. It's clear to me that I no longer want to continue this way. If my h wanted to he could return and make things right. He chooses not to and it's left me in a position that I no longer want to continue the R as is. It's empty and void. Not what a M should be.

Sure I could stick it out and see if my h comes home, but then what's the point. If he couldn't come to that conclusion within 3 years, then I was never worth it to him to begin with. I am sad about that, but life goes on. I am no longer afraid to move forward without him.

I supported my h, defended all his excuses for not returning, but then I awoke and said what's the point Glam. It takes 2 people to make a M. Yes my h has made good progress, but then make that final leap of faith and do the right thing for your kids and your M. That is what I expected to happen, but hold out no hope for those final changes to take place. It seems like it has been an eternity and can no longer listen to my h of how I am to blame, I don't listen, it's all my fault, you threw me under the bus and yada yada yada. I am amazed at how he can continue to go down that path month after month year after year. It's as if the record got stuck and keeps playing the same old song over and over and over again.

So much time has passed by and it's way easier for my h to stay away than return. He is so full of resentment, anger, and blame. We would never have a fullfilling M unless he forgave himself, me and his family. He is so stuck on him being the victim, he hasn't grasped it yet that there were many more victims including myself and his family. He has no idea how much pain he has caused, nor does he want to look at that.

I was getting a little excited today, thinking of a new life for myself. Then I had to come back home to reality.

The first thing I need to do is purge the house. Have a garage sale and get rid of all the stuff we don't need or use. This is going to take some time. With D5 gone I can really focus on getting this done.

I am also going to start selling some little things on ebay at the same time. My goal is to clear the house to bare bones within 60 days. Not only will this help decluter then I can decide what to take and not take to CA.

I am really thinking that I should just leave all the furniture. I don't really want the reminders from my past anyway. It will be good to make a clean break.

I am pretty sure I can find a job in CA. Not that I am bragging, but I am rather talented and have a variety of skills I can pull from to land me any number of jobs. The problem could be availability of jobs. It's ok not leaving today anyway. My goal is to be gone by end of summer.

I need a change in my life. I am thinking this is exactly what I need. Not so sure how my h will react to me moving. I am sure it's just another thing to hold against me. For the past 3 years, that's all I have felt. It's been like, ok what else is h going to blame me for.

We watched the movie "Not Easily Broken" yesterday. My h could relate to the man in the movie and their broken M. What he can't relate to is the man had it in him to return home. Oh I forgot that's hollywood not real life! Only in the movies!

For so long I consumed my thoughts around h coming home. That was the most important in my life. Now, the most important is getting out of here and moving forward. I had to finally kick myself in the a** to take charge of my own life and not wait for something that's never going to happen.

Naej I love the idea of the candles I think that I will do that. Thanks all for listening.

[forward]

The first thing I need to do is purge the house. Have a garage sale and get rid of all the stuff we don't need or use. This is going to take some time. With D5 gone I can really focus on getting this done.

This is a good feeling. And yes, getting new things is good.

[dl443322]

G, I am sorry you h has chosen not to come home. You have tried so hard and have shown your h such compassion and patience.

Do what you think is right for you and your children. Whatever you chose, we will support you.

You are in my prayers.