((jeff)) thank you for reading, it means a lot! I have a really good picture of what I want to be doing in 5 to 10 years. But when it comes down to WHERE this exists, or HOW to get there, I feel flummoxed. Everything is all intertwined in my mind--location and money especially, housing, opportunity, creative solitude, time for exploration, training. I am having a lot of trouble prioritizing, and feeling rather frozen/incapacitated.
((ali)) I can't believe you read the whole thing. thank you from the bottom of my heart! To answer your questions:
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Whether he still loves you, or fancies you, or regrets leaving, or views you as a potential future gf, I just cant tell. As yuo dont mention anyting about longing looks, or flirting etc, I take it you arent really picking up any vibe and you cant tell either?
It's hard for me to tell, but I think it's OK. The feeling is different than before--instead of him Acting As If everything was normal when at least I was scared sh!tless (first meeting), or him being anxious and distracted while I pretended that I was calm (second meeting), or him being calm and me being super anxious (third meeting), this time we were both relaxed and open, and to me, that is a really important shift in the vibe.
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Do you not have any way of finding out if he is single, or how he is doing? No mutual friends you could find out through?
It would be easy enough for me to check his facebook page, but I don't want to. If he's with someone, it would make me really upset, and not help me in any way. I am acquaintances with some of his friends, but they are all way closer to him than me, and anything I said I think would get back to him fast. I just want to handle the information I get from him alone.
I had another thought about this too. If *I* was dating someone and in town for only 48 hours, and then going to back in town only for another 2 days later in the month, and I went to see my ex for dinner... WTF would I do that if I was dating someone? If I was dating someone and had just flown home from being away for several days, I would be in bed with my beloved or having dinner with my beloved, not having dinner with my ex.
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Its great that he is so much in touch with you, shows huge interest in your future plans, your music, your family etc. All really really nice. Where you go from here.. I dont know !?
I don't know either. I am just focusing on being his friend and getting my own act together at this point. I have wondered if his interest in my future plans is partly him wanting to know how close I"ll be to him geographically, but even when we were together I don't think he felt he had the "right" to ask me to be in the same place as he was. (Neither did I: and I think that's one of the reasons the R fell apart).
As for the email, I'm honestly not sure why he thinks I"m ready to be a rock star, because I definitely don't feel that way myself!!!!
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Is it hard saying goodbye to him each time? Personally it kills me to say goodbye to my ex.
I was so happy to see him, and that things had gone so well and that he was sorry to go, that I didn't feel sad!! I also might have a chance to see him in a month, which on my timeline, is extremely soon. I know what you mean though--before the bomb, after we had both left boston, when I had to say goodbye to him in the airport it was actually physically painful. I hated it. But that's not what I'm experiencing now.
