City Girl- Thanks! I don't think I actually used the word "respect" but I don't remember exactly what I said. But yes, his big issue is guilt and he has all of these people telling not to feel guilty. Doesn't guilt ever serve a positive purpose? Doesn't thinking about the affect of your behavior on other people make sense? So much of why I am working so hard here is because I know my kids are watching. You know? They compel me to try to be my best self. Anyway, I get it that the guilt pushes him away but sometimes I just want to scream, "don't you see what a cliche you are???" "don't you see that you are an insecure egomaniac who is causing so much destruction?" And now there is talk of a tattoo (guess I should head over to MLC). Oh, I was really pleasant at lunch. I'm sure my vibe was a little off but so was his and I'm human. Overall, I let it go and smiled plenty.
I agree with your post and I think I am being a real martyr. I am, as usual making life really easy for him (not initiating a legal agreement, letting him see kids and hang out whenever he wants, waiting until he is ready to move). Being completely financially dependent on him makes it tricky but sometimes I think that the only way he will know what he is losing is if he loses it. I guess, more important is me taking care of myself and my needs and not worrying about whether he "gets it". THAT is hard.
Would you be kind enough to look at my post on the previous page? This is what messes with my head. Also, I have been dreading that our 10 year anniversary is coming up and he told me months ago that he will be out of town for a fabulous event. Today he briefly mentioned that he might push the trip a week forward with no mention of anniversary. But, that would mean he would be here. I didn't really say anything because if it has anything to do with me, I don't want to scare him off. Now that I think about it, I wish I could just listen and not react even when it is painful. I have no clue why he tells me all the stuff he does. It feels like he is so uncertain and insecure and constantly wants to let me know that other people think he's right. Anyway, the one thing I've learned is that this ride goes up and down and a slip up today means nothing tomorrow. I thought 3 months ago that if I screwed up it would push him away and the truth is, we do the best we can but they have to figure their own stuff out for themselves. Honestly, it is soooo awful having the kids in the middle. That is what kills me and often makes me want to kill him (figuratively of course) .
