I am curious since her affair had the two of you been romantic or physical at all? Why do you think she tries so hard to want to feel beautiful or pretty? Has she ever gotten that validation from you? Could she maybe think you just don't want her? Are you aggressive in that sense? I am not saying or accusing I am just curious.
We were at first, but then it stopped again. I really shouldn't have, because I had insisted upon a full-panel STD test after we reconciled, and she stubbornly refused (I ended up getting one myself, and it was negative).
Yes, she got that validation from me for about 20 years. Eventually, I stopped, because I was no longer willing to meet her needs when she was making no efforts at meeting mine. So I think that when that happened, she sought it elsewhere, and that's when she had her affair. When we reconciled, I made sure to be very liberal with the compliments again, not only about her looks but about her abilities, but then I stopped again after she made zero effort at even meeting my SECONDARY love language (words of affirmation).
Why do I think she needs it to much? Because she's a narcissist.
