KJ, I can remember two years ago when I started attending a writer's group, as part of a GAL plan when my W was sleeping elsewhere. I went because staying at home was bringing me down. I had to force myself to go.
I was beaten down, and mildly depressed, wounded, and unbalanced. My W seemed entitled, justified, and energetic with her chosen freedom.
It was awkward at first, because I felt like someone with a terrible secret when I was with the group. I felt ashamed of my life and my M. I din't feel like I qualified to be part of this group, as I was a new and untrained writer. I thought that this is how a newly D guy must feel, when he awkwardly is trying to make connections in the world.
It didn't make me feel better at first. Still, those first steps were essential. You must take them too,
I know you have children, so you will have to find a way to take those steps while honoring your commitments. Otherwise, you will be waiting, when you should be living. You will be hovering over the R, when you should be putting your energy into creative, productive, and enjoyable pursuits.
Use your energy as wisely as possible. You can take breaks from the M; the problems will still be there when you get back.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
