Let Everything Happen to You

[Concerned_Listener]

Dear CL,
I just see a kind and caring man being taken for granted continually and his kind and generous spirit being trod under foot. So maybe I shouldn't speak out.
Again I am concerned at the slowness of things whilst you grow, that the situation you live with will overtake and crush you before you have had a chance to do the growth you need to go for a D or separation. Hmmmm guess I am a worrier!
.
Not sure how anyone D in a non reactive manner,something I indeed will have to think about.

(((())))

Naej,
Thanks for worrying about me, but you're right in that some of your worries don't reflect what's going on with me.

I think for many years my spirit was broken, and I walked around in a state of mild depression. I felt embarrassed when my W would mistreat me in front of her relatives. I didn't have the courage to stand up to her, and bought her explanations that my intimacy issues were the problem in the M.

The title of this thread is "Let Everything Happen to You." It means that I can't control all the bad things in life that happen, or how people will treat me. I don't want to put my energy into policing every disrespectful action my W commits.

I feel like I'm growing as fast as I can, so I can't change the pace of events that you describe.

You worry that the situation will overtake and crush me. One of the signature lines on another thread, is to ask for broader shoulders instead of a lighter load. I have those now. I'm in great shape from the dancing, and my physical body reflects the emotional strength I also am acquiring.

I think of a reactive D, as being abrupt, wanting to push away a difficult situation, possessing ill will, being judgmental of self and the spouse, wanting to punish the spouse. I think of D as putting an end to and boundaries around dysfunction, in a kind, intentional, thoughtful, respectful manner. That's the level of maturity and strength I want to attain.

CL