Kimmie, Grace and Irmac First Thank you once again for posting to me. let me explain WHY I wanted to know about if it was MLC or not. I was trying to figure out if I wanted to stand for my marriage (even though I am divorced), or not. If he truly has an illness, I dont want to take that lighty. Yes I have asked that question before and yes I am still spinning I guess but I truly would like to know. With that said, I have decided if I want to know and need to know, instead of asking here I am turning it over to GOD and he will lead me. I also know GOD is against divorce, so whatever GOD wants me to do, I will let him lead me. Now I dont know anyones religion here but Irmacs and she made it clear. BUT I have been trying to give this completely to GOD and I have thought I did a bunch of times but I have NOT. I am turning it over to him COMPLETELY. From this day forward he is in GOD's hands to do whatever GOD pleases to do with him. I have to say that I dont cry every night and wake up said every morning anymore. I do still think about my xh everyday and I do pray for him every day and I do still love him. I dont see anytime in the near future any one of these things changing. I dont know if I want them to. I WANT to pray for him everyday, I WANT to love him every day, I WANT to think about him often, for he is my sons father and was a very good father and husband at one time. I have come a long way and have felt like giving up sooooo many times but here I am. I have soooo much more to be thankful for vs. pain I have encountered.
Irmac, we started a revival at church last night and I got soooo blessed. The service was so good. Two people were saved! I prayed for my family and I prayed for my heart to be healed and I claim that healing. Tonight I am praying for the depression to be lifted. Thank you for your kind word Irmac.
Renee, Even though I've not been posting to you, I've been following your thread for severals days. I've given a lot of thought to your situation today and here's what I sense from your postings. I have to say that I'm right there in the opinion of Braveheart and Jack, your h is exhibiting signs of being a walk away.
Yes, he's working out and tanning, but that doesn't constitute a full mlc diagnosis, nor does wanting a quick divorce, the ow, etc. Your h isn't exhibiting a lot of confusion like most of them. I suspect your xh was tired of living up to everyone's expectations and wanted a clean break. He saw the chance when his son was nearly grown and he just walked away.
Now, I'm not saying I'm 100% correct in what I think is going on, but the more you post about your situation and how he's behaving, the more I'm leaning towards the walk away spouse.
Do you treat the situations differently? No, you go on w/your life as if he has moved to Mars. If this man should choose to want to reconnect and possible form a relationship w/you, that's when you will have the opportunity to say yes or no. If I were in your shoes, I'd leave the door ajar and go on w/your life. You've been on the rollercoaster for a very long time and it's not healthy. Your son and your nephew most likely have sensed the stress that you've been under and it's not a healthy environment for them either. The best thing you can do is DROP THE ROPE and allow God to do his work.
Whether your xh returns or not, you must learn to rely on yourself and be there for your son and nephew. It's time to blaze that trail through life and start living your life for you and your son and your nephew. BTW, how is your nephew doing w/all of this? I'm sure he's concerned about the situation.
It's time to take back your life and live it to the fullest. It's one step at a time, one day at a time. You are going to backslide periodically, that's okay...just learn from your mistakes. Look ahead and plan for the future of you and your little family. Your family is the most important thing right now and the three of you need to work together to become stronger and more independent.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
AMEN TO THAT.... I love it when I see people surrending to The Lord....and you know as soon as we accept him into our lives the enemy comes and attacks us, head on and with fully loaded guns... no mercy....and God does allow us to go thru these things as he allowed Job to go thru his....but I wouldn't trade what God has sent my way...even with all the pain... the millions of tears I cried...the times when I could not even get out of bed and my dughter of 13 would look at me and I didn't even care about her well being... But God pulled me thru it all and my walk with him is so wonderful....I may never get my husband back,but in my heart what I gained from this journey I give God all the glory....
I remember my pastor preaching this on a sunday, he was talking about Abraham and Issac. And how Abraham was asked to sacrifice Issac...but Abraham reasoned it out. He knew what God had told him that his son was going to rule many nations, so why would he ask him to kill his own son?...but in obedience he did exactly what Had asked him to do and he knew that God would raise his son back up from the dead.... and I think you know the rest of the story Abraham is about to kill his son and then God tells him to stop because now he knows that Abrahan truly loves him and he is 1st in his life... this is exactly how my pastor put it to us that morning... Abraham probably said this to himself.. I REMEMBER WHERE I WAS WHEN YOU FOUND ME I REMEMBER EVERY PROMISE YOU HAVE GIVEN ME I REMEMBER EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAVE BROUGHT ME THRU.. AND YOU HAVE NOT BROUGHT ME THIS FAR TO FAIL ME NOW....
THAT GAVE ME CHILLS and I went to the alter that day and just cried and thanked him for loving me....
To me that was saying I will never let you carry this load by yourself and even though it feels like it sometimes....but I always remember the "Foot Prints in The Sand"
Where it says that during my darkest hours....where were you when I needed you the most.then it says FOR IT WAS THEN THAT I CARRIED YOU MY CHILD..... I am sorry for going on and on....but this really gets me going because I know that he does carry me all the time.... I hope your revival goes well and that you get a blessing AND THAT MORE SOULS WILL BE WON TONIGHT... You really do have to give it to him....I have found a peace that I cant explain I love the book of Psalms and this is one of my favorite in there ... Psm.34 vs 17-19 17. The righteous cry out,and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles, 18. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit, 19.A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all Sorry guys about the length...but I have asked God to use me as a vessell and it is right now for Renee... you all be blessed
Snodderly and Jack, you may be right. Snodderly my xh did cry twice, once when he broke down and told me he wanted to seperate, and then again when we actually seperated. He has turned so cold toward me, colder since his new gf is in the picture. I still dont understand why he is getting married so soon. He is marrying a younger woman at that and tonight I learned that he wanted to have children, possibly twin girls. He said he would like the chanallge. It's something new everyday. Yes my son told me and this time I am to blame, I asked a question and he just started spilling the beans. I know this is wrong. I shouldnt have asked. He is hurting. He worries about me, I seen that tonight. We both need counseling together. Do WAS marry that quick? Do they look for that bandaide? Have you heard of any WAS returning? Do they return as much as MLC? Sorry for all the questions. I am getting very very tired of wondering and spinning. Please be patient with me. I am listening and thinking you are right its time to DROP THE ROPE. When dropping the rope. Does that also mean NO MORE questions in here or no more talking of xh?
Irmac, I thank you so much for kind words. I had another good service tonight. When my xh decided to leave me, I decided I needed GOD in my life. I needed GOD so bad and he came to my rescue so many times. I know I am going through this for a reason. I know it will make me stronger. I dont know what GOD has planned for me but I am sure I will be pleased. Irmac, there is more I want to tell you so I will email you. I dont want to write a book in here. But, I would like to say to everybody, GOD can heal your heart. Give it ALL to him and let him fight the battle for you.
Renee, Dropping the rope doesn't mean you cannot post here. It means leaving well enough alone in the world of wah and mlc people. It means turning the situation over to God and living your life to the fullest. It means you have no control over your situation, therefore, drop the rope and let nature take it's course, i.e., allowing him to make his mistakes and hopefully learn from them.
Yes, they do turn cold towards us. It's the only way for them to move on and it's a way for them to put up the wall so that we cannot break it down. It's not for you to understand why he's getting married so soon. He may have known this woman for quite some time and they "clicked" as soul mates. No one can answer why some people go off the deep end into euphoria and marry that quickly. As for more children, we'll see how that one pans out. It could be all talk. Twins and even identifying the sex of what he would like to have is like looking into a crystal petri dish and identifying which swimmers will hit the target. He's just talking off the cuff and have grand visions of what he would like to have.
Some wahs do marry quickly and shut the door on the past, if the right soul mate comes along. Others don't. It's just like MLC, it all depends upon the person, the circumstances and the issues from the past, etc. From what I have read, no wahs very seldom return to the marriage. Some may become good friends w/their former spouses, but they do not have any desire to return. The same could be said for some of the mlcers as well. It all depends upon the situation and the individual. That's why it's hard to say to you and others yes or no about will they reconcile...everyone is different, every childhood is different and the same would apply to the personalities as well. Only God knows the answer to this question.
It's okay to wonder, but do not dwell in the area of wondering about whether he'll return or not. The only thing you need to be trying to do is getting the focus back on to you, your son and your nephew. All of you need some support right now. You mentioned going to church. Seek out your pastor or minister. Churches usually have some type of support system for their members. Do not allow pride to hold you back on asking questions of the church. They will not judge you.
BTW, you are far from being detached from your situation. It takes a long time to get to a place whereby your xh's behavior doesn't affect you. It's one day at a time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly and Jack, you may be right. Snodderly my xh did cry twice, once when he broke down and told me he wanted to seperate, and then again when we actually seperated. He has turned so cold toward me, colder since his new gf is in the picture. I still dont understand why he is getting married so soon. He is marrying a younger woman at that and tonight I learned that he wanted to have children, possibly twin girls. He said he would like the chanallge. It's something new everyday. Yes my son told me and this time I am to blame, I asked a question and he just started spilling the beans. I know this is wrong. I shouldnt have asked. He is hurting. He worries about me, I seen that tonight. We both need counseling together. Do WAS marry that quick? Do they look for that bandaide? Have you heard of any WAS returning? Do they return as much as MLC? Sorry for all the questions. I am getting very very tired of wondering and spinning. Please be patient with me. I am listening and thinking you are right its time to DROP THE ROPE. When dropping the rope. Does that also mean NO MORE questions in here or no more talking of xh?
Irmac, I thank you so much for kind words. I had another good service tonight. When my xh decided to leave me, I decided I needed GOD in my life. I needed GOD so bad and he came to my rescue so many times. I know I am going through this for a reason. I know it will make me stronger. I dont know what GOD has planned for me but I am sure I will be pleased. Irmac, there is more I want to tell you so I will email you. I dont want to write a book in here. But, I would like to say to everybody, GOD can heal your heart. Give it ALL to him and let him fight the battle for you.
RENEE, I'm going to be blunt with you about a couple of things; First, if you don't want to listen to me and Jack, do listen to Snodderly. She is the most experinced person on the board and has excellent insight and opinions regarding all of this. 2ND, Renee, any way you want to slice it, dice it, analyze it, whatever, your marriage is over. I think that the sooner that you can accept this, the better off you will be. You must move on with your life! If you wish to wait for him, that's your choice, but you have to move on as though he will not be back, and chances are he won't be. I am sorry if I sound harsh, but I believe in being honest.
Renee, There is a book called "The Script" that may help you better understand some of the behavior that your xh has and is exhibiting towards you and the family. It was written by Elizabeth Landers and Vicky Mainzer.
No matter what happens, you and are going to be okay. You can only control what is within your grasp and nothing more. Turn it all over to God and allow him to do his work.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I think everyone is giving you the right advice to focus on you, your kids, and keep moving forward. Please think about this long and hard. I have thought about it. What do you want? What would you do if some miraculous change occured, h showed up at your door, and begged to come back.
Really, what would you do? I'm not trying to sound harsh or mean, so please don't take it this way... What if something happened to him and his gf? What would the end result be? Do you want to be his "leftovers" ? Do you want to be his person waiting in the wings? The scraps when nothing else is left? I'm not saying hate him or anything like that. You shared lots of years. I'm just saying put ALL of your focus forward and not glancing behind you to see if he's ever going to follow.
My h wanted both of us, and I cut him off (physically, and I will talk to him, but not get all involved emotionally). i don't want to be the scraps. I am the premium cut LMAO. Sun, what are you??
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Hey everyone I just wanted to pop in and update. XH still doesnt want any contact with me. Nothing has changed, except he is in GOD's hands now. He is getting married Aug. 15 and is excited about it I suppose. He came into work with his new bride to be and told my manager all about it. She said he was proud of it. He told her he wanted a "family". He had one, so I dont understand that. She told him that she hoped he didnt regret what he was doing and he said he hoped he didnt either. He said he wanted both of us to be happy and he thought if the less he talked to me the easier it would be for me to go on. I received a bill in the mail for taxes. I wont go into detail about it but I sent him a text. First time in weeks that I have contacted him at all. I asked him if he could help pay this. I got no word from him, so I left him a voice mail. STILL no word, so I called again and his gf answered. I asked her if I could speak with xh and she said NO YOU MAY NOT. I told her I needed to speak about taxes and she said WE GOT YOUR MESSAGE. I asked her again, may I please speak with xh for a sec. She said NO HE DOES NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU, then she yelled, xxxx do you want to talk to anybody and then said to me. "NO HE DONT, thank you goodbye", and hung up on me. I got upset and called back, xh answered the phone. I did not show that I was upset. He said he would have sent me a response through our son, that is how he wanted to communicate. Then he said, I am busy gotta go and hung up on me too. I am not communicating through our son. I am not putting him in the middle. I guess I will have to manage. xh is just not going to do his part. My manager said she could tell the new gf had alot of say in what he does. I suppose in talking to me. It's sad that we all can not get along. I truly am better. Just working and trying to take care of things. Soconfused, I dont know what I would do. I honestly dont. So guys go ahead I am use to it.
LMAO. Sun, what are you??