It's Complicated! Part 6

[naej]

Hi MWG, I must have misread this from your post

This is not a time for boundaries or thinking about ourselves.

I took it to mean that Glam should not be thinking about herself. My mistake obviously.

We are constantly told to see what is working and what isn't."

Says who--people, God? A lot goes on we do not see and still, God is in control.

My mistake again I thought this was a DB site started by MWD and using her guidelines and coaches. Those sort of people.
I am sorry you are so angry MWG,I really have no idea why. Perhaps you should move it to your own thread,I am sorry if you are having a hard time,maybe others can support you through it.

My post was to Glam and not to anyone else. I made no remarks about you in my post to her, why on earth would I. Nor did I make any remarks about who or what members of your family are or do,so again I am sorry that you felt the need to post in such away.
My last and final reply to your post is this

And if God is in control then what difference does it make what boundaries one chooses to set if they choose to go this route?

If one truly believed this I would see no need to post on this particular web site,when others cater purely for that standpoint.
IMO I do believe that the boundary setting is for us and our well being.

Take care. I wish you well.

[Upside]

glam-

I am seriously conemplating packing it up and moving back to CA to start fresh.

Except for the moving to CA part cause I already live there, I felt the exact same way this last weekend. I know you are probably kidding but I sometimes I just want to start over and find a new life. I keep saying I want a do-over...one of these days I just might make that happen. For you, before you could make such a huge move there would be so many things to consider before you could. I know it would be good for you to get some distance with your H but you have to think about whether or not moving your kids away from your H is in their best interest.

I hope your back gets better quickly. I have been so stressed out, I've got cold sores and a swollen lymph node. It is amazing how stress can effect your body...and in our H's case, their body and mind. Our C made the comment last night that my H and I were healthier when we were together...I think the comment was mostly directed at my H.

Hang in there glam...I know there will be better days ahead.

(((HUGS)))

[braveheart]

Naej, I am terribly concerned about the mental health of some of our posters. I am not joking when I say this. Reading some of the responses here make me seriously concerned about some people.

[naej]

I would like to keep my head as part of my body so thought hard about replying but I think that some people are under unimaginable stress and pressure and everynow and again the pressure blows.

I really can't imagine how hard it is for some people and I try to offer sympathy and support to all,maybe my posts are interperated differently than I intend them to be or maybe I touch a nerve, either way maybe it's a good thing to let "it" out even if its the wrong target.

Glam hows the back? hope the sickness was short lived.

[glamgirl]

Thanks all for posting. My back feels better today. I am starting to get to the "I don't care" mode. Not where I want to be, but seriously a person can only take so much.

H did come over yesterday. He seemed to be in better spirits, meaning not blaming me like he did the other day. I was watching a movie when he stopped by so h decided to watch it with me.

There was a fund raiser for the school, so h took the kids and a few neighbor kids and supported that.

I did ask h how he was doing being off the meds. He said ok. He felt it would be a few weeks before everything is out of his system. Not really sure how he is feeling, whether he is depressed or if he really isn't sharing how he is feeling. I just let it go at that. The hard part is if he is MIA I don't know if something has happened to him or what and then I start to worry. Not a good place to be. Then he surfaces again and acts like I didn't need to be called. Not sure if this is how he wants to act towards me or what. Not sure of h's thoughts here.

H did eat some foods at dinner with Gluten and then he was extremely exhausted and wanted to sleep and he felt sick. I think his diet gives him grief and if he would purge certain foods he would feel better. I know that is a tough one, you need to be so disciplined.

I think with me detoxing my nerves are shattered. I also think that is why I threw up since my body couldn't handle the medication. I should have taken on a full meal. Oh well, such is life. I do have a sensitive stomach anyway to meds.

H said he would be over today. I would like to go into work for a few hours today, since I missed yesterday and I have a few key deadlines that I need to be on top of. When/if h shows I will go in to work then.

I did have a mealt down the other day with h and started to say things like I was overwhelmed watching the kids, it takes 2 parents etc, I did have a laundry list. H felt I dumped all that on him. Well, just maybe he can understand what is on my plate. I feel he dumped it all on me 3 years ago.

Well we will see what the day and weekend brings.

[glamgirl]

I am sitting here crying trying to figure out my life. I am at a crossroads now. All the things I wanted in life NO longer seem important. I am unhappy in my job, house, M, R, the way my life is going.

I expected my h to be home by now, I expected our financial situation to be better, I expected my h to be honest and come forward, I expected my h to step up and be a provider. I realize now these were probably unrealistic expectations for my h. I get that I understand that, but now I have to make some tough decisions. I know that my h will say there you go Glam making decisions on your own again, but he does not walk in my shoes, he does not carry the weight on his shoulders of what I have to do daily. I never got in this M to be the breadwinner, I never signed up for caring and shouldering the burden of being a single parent again. I carefully selected my h before we got M and had children. He was NOT the man he is today.

I am saddled with a ton of debt, the burden of carrying for our kids for the most part on a daily basis, the soul financial provider. I am asking myself what can I do to make this better and not worse. If my h were to move home, that would save us money as well as providing the parenting our children deserve and the balancing of the running a household and family by 2. Now that would be my desire, but reality is that probably isn't going to happen. So in order for me to shift that burden, I could move to an appartment, which would save some. I could move to CA and try to live "free" with the help of h's family and mine. Pay off some serious debt that h and I have accumilated and have the support of family. Something I don't have now. I miss family so much. I feel so alone here. H's family send all the photos via e-mail and all the events that they do together.

H has a great family and they are very supportive and a very close knit family. I didn't have that growing up. I think that is something I miss the most with h and I splitting up. H was so involved with his family and now he speaks to nobody. I don't see this improving as well and really could last another 10 years or more.

I dont know. A zillion questions and ideas running through my head. Just throwing out things that are building inside me. Just contemplating my next chapter of my life. I could look for a new job here, but not so sure this is where I should spend my life. Ideally I want to spend my life with h, his children need him home. I have been very patient, but to be real honest I don't think I see my h moving home and I don't really want to be typing this 1 or 2 years from now.

We all need to make tough decisions now and then! I too think I am menopasal hormonal and it's wrecking havoc on my feelings, emotions and it confusing me in this journey of life.

Thanks for listening. This is probably more of journaling for me and getting things out as opposed to keeping them in. Can you tell, I am confused?

[naej]

Hi Glam, glad you are feeling better.
[quote] Thanks for listening. This is probably more of journaling for me and getting things out as opposed to keeping them in. Can you tell, I am confused? Glam I think you are processing not quite the same as confused!
We all do it all the time with different aspects of our life.
I think you are overwhelmed by it all as it is all huge changes.
Can you try breaking things down into smaller changes.
First steps and then re evaluate.
You could start with the job, I guess not easy given the climate but a smaller chunk of the changes because if you go for the house and not the move away, then you may decide you still want to move away and that will have been false economy if you have to resell in the near future.
I think you are being very open and honest and realistic which is good because it puts you in control, survival instincts kick in and you will acomplish so much more,rather than feeling like you are going down with the ship.

Take your time,you are a strong woman and life hasn't been what you expected,but hey whose to say you can't turn that into something better.
Like you my extended family was on my H's side and I lost all that but I have since my move made such good close friends they feel like family plus my children are the best.

Underneath your perception of confusion,I see a very strong and capable woman.
Try not to over think tho, make sure you have some downtime this week end for you and watch that back.
(((())))

[job]

Glam,
I'm glad to see you posting and getting it all out there. It's difficult when you keep this stuff bottled up and more so when you aren't feeling well. Instead of looking at the entire picture, maybe think about what naej suggested, i.e., breaking it down into smaller pieces. It will be less stressful and intimdating that way.

Glam, if you aren't sure what to do, sit quietly for a while and the answers will come. When your brain is in the over load gear, it makes it harder to find your center.

I do hope you are feeling better soon. Stress, dieting and worry will play on your body and once your immune system is compromised, it will take a while for it to sort itself out. Please take care of yourself.

[dl443322]

Hey G, you have tried so hard and hung in for so long, that, on top of shouldering everything, is a lot to handle.

Try to take the focus off of your h and put it on you and the kids. Sometimes it helps to write it all down, the pros and cons of everything.

Pray on it and take it one thing at a time. Sometimes the answers just fall into your lap.

Hang in there, Sweetie.

[brandnewday]

Hey Glam,

How about a vacation?

Maybe plan a trip with the kids to California this Summer.

I wouldn't even mention this to your Husband, just do your own thing right now, and live your life for yourself.

Take a time out from your life for a week and go and visit the family.

You could use a break, and a change of scenery will do you some good.

Only you know where the line in the sand can be drawn, only you know how much you can handle.

Pray for him, and love him from a distance, but do not stop living your life.
((((hugs))))