Well, H returned-with the some groceries(I normally do the shopping) but hasn`t spoken about last night`s lock out incident and I don`t think I should ask.
Our `conversations` are just about the kids-who`s bringing them to what Saturday activity that kind of thing and H has obviously decided to play model Dad today as he`s taking on his share which hasn`t always happened. Maybe another positive.
I`m very calm. Sticking to all my 180 things-doing the opposites of what I normally do, and today I`m going to clean the windows as it hasn`t been done in a year and may signal to H that I`m okay and let some light into our home at the same time! I`m also meeting a gf for coffee later.
I do feel sorry for H. He`s trapped in his anger can`t express himself and full of pain.
But I know I can`t do anything about that as I am in his eyes, to blame. I think a lot of that comes from his childhood where he heard his parents fighting and roaring at each other, his father beating his mother, and spoke to no one about it.(At least, this is what his brother told me).
The thing that upsets me most is the affect of all this on our children (13,11,8). If this goes on for YEARS(which seems very likely)they will not have had the benefit of witnessing a loving relationship.
In that respect we would be better off living apart as watching Dad locking Mum out of her bedroom last night is a desperately sad memory for my eldest son to hold.
Should I talk to him more about that? I feel I should. Just tell him Dad is going through a stressful time and that he really loves us all.
It is so so painful. I feel imprisoned and yet, I still hope that all this will come good. Is that crazy?
