Piecing 20 yrs of SSM back together

[mamanpc]

yes, the others are out of the picture now. And yes, we both want this to work. The difficulty currently (I think) is getting past all the anger and hurt over what has happened.

I feel much better today, after seeing my sex therapist and therapist yesterday. They were very supportive and both said that the next step is that the sex therapist sees my husband alone. I hope that 1 day H and I will be able to really 'hear' what we are trying to tell each other. Now i have the impression that we talk, but we don't hear each other well. Then we get frustrated, and my H rolls out the 'complaint list' of all the bad things i've done to him in the past. I asked him if we could agree to put the past in the past and focus on the future and he said no, he's not ready to do that. So i fear that his 'grudge list' is going to kill our R. But there is nothing i can do for him in that regard, that's his issue to address on his own. On my side i'm going to work on putting my 'grudge list' behind me and look forward to the future, definitely with him until the kids are out of the house at least. I'd like it to last longer than that, but if in 10 years (inch'Allah the kids will be alive and healthy and moving on slowly but surely with their lives) he is still trotting out his 'gruddge list' , then i think that i will seriously consider moving on. Of course i will inform him of my intentions to do so, BEFORE taking any actions that i may regret - i learned that thanks to Michelle's books and website. And 10 years is very very far away, i could die before that and so could my H. So it's just idle thoughts at this stage, in fact.
What i am doing short term is working wtih my therapists, my journals, and reading through this forum, to gain inspiration and action-oriented plans for the next steps.