I don't know what's going on with me. I think I'm really starting to detach now. I've gone another day not checking up on his life and now really thinking about him. I was sad on the way home, but not like before. I spent a lot of time flipping through radio stations. I can't listen to music, but silence in the car isn't good either.
I have no desire to see him right now. I'm not thinking about what he could be doing (for the most part). I'm not worried about what the future may bring. I'm just content to live me life and see what happens.
Tomorrow the kids are in some sort of singing thing for school. I told him about it on Tuesday and offered him a ride if he needed it. I'm kind of hoping he's not there. I don't know why since it would be a great opportunity for me to DB and for us to spend some no pressure time in each other's presence, but I'm not really thinking of it that way. If he's there that's fine and if he's not that's fine too.
I'm really understanding that I am only responsible for myself and my children. My happiness directly relates to my decisions. My children's happiness and well being is in my control (to a point) as well. I have no control or responsibility for my H's happiness. I have no control over the choices and actions he takes in his life. Whatever he chooses he will have to live with. He is forming his relationship with his children. He will have to live with the decisions he's made regarding them.
It feels weird not to be obsessing over him. I've spent the last 4 months thinking of nothing but him and us and if he'd be coming home that it was almost a part of my daily routine. I don't know how, but I've let go of that constant need to analyze and dissect every aspect of what's happening. I may be speaking too soon, but whatever's going on is a welcome change from the puffy eyed chick I'd become.
I don't know if any of this makes sense. I'm just kind of rambling.
