And yes, I had my heart broken as a teenager to. A girl I was madly in love with slept with another guy while we were together. And I even caught her cheating on me on my birthday of all days. Probably because of being cheated on before and the close relationships my W had with guys I was always untrusting to some extent. And then W finally did it and broke my heart again.
So I know I am not ready for another relationship right now. I need to move beyond that not everyone is like that in life.
So fixing myself is #1 priority. And there are steps to do that. And I made a phone call today to 2 different counselors to start getting quotes. One is actually a C I had been going to before when I had insurance. I haven't heard back from him yet on his prices without insurance.
I didn't take his advice before. But now its time to start.
One of these plans of action might end up being just removing myself from W and her life and family as far away as I can from myself. And by that I mean just having nothing to do with any of them anymore at all. No contact. Just see W when I have to and keep it minimal. Let her move on. I don't want to hear about what is going on in her life anymore and what she has been up to.
I can't move on if I am staying involved with her life. The more involved I am the more I can't let go. Thats enough of that. I need to forget she exists which won't be completely easy since we share kids together. I can however set it up so that we hardly see each other anymore. That would actually be ideal for her and it would help me forget about her. I can make it where I pick the kids up from school on Friday of my week and then she does the same on Friday of her week. Thats kind of drastic, but it may be what I have to do to forget about her. Why do I want to keep torturing myself knowing about the guys in her life. I don't. Who needs that?
Not I.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...