Learning to Detach

[kjensen]

Grace,
I think I am realizing that sad truth. Just over a month ago it seemed that since the A had ended my H was actually sort of, in a mlc kind of way, working at our relationship. Then the OW shows up at his apartment and the A starts again. Since then there has been no effort on his part to do things alone with me-much. He has stated that he felt there was "little to lose" in restarting the A as he felt there was very little between us anymore. (In my mind he could possibly lose everything:his wife/best friend(me), the girls, his home, his friends, his self-respect...-really all that is nothing, right?)

Had lunch with H and the girls today. I thought it went fine. H seemed a bit tense. Later I emailed him a quick thank you for including me(positive reinforcement) and said I hoped it hadn't been too uncomfortable for him(as was his worry). He emailed back that it was a bit uncomfortable and he felt the girls were uncomfortable(when I asked he girls,one later said she was, the other wasn't)... He said to text him later..

At dinnertime he texted me. At one point I thought I'd test the waters and asked if he wanted to see a movie this weekend. He said no thanks. I said I thought that would be his answer and that was OK. He kept the texting going just a bit more then said he had a tv show to watch.

So, I'm guessing this sidestepping any real interaction alone with me, any semblance of being together is part of the MLC or his discomfort with being close to me while with the OW..? Thoughts/opinions?

It just strikes me as odd since he and I have lunch alone, together in our house frequently during the week.

Is this just more waffling? Trying not to take it personally. Kind of mad at myself for setting myself up for rejection, yet again. Hope springs eternal and despite knowing better!

It's H's weekend without OW(as she has her kids), although I think they may still workout at her gym Saturdays-just a guess.

I plan to let H initiate any contact this weekend, as I have the last several days. I'm curious as to whether he can go the whole weekend on his own, pretty much alone. I think only one of his two friends is home this weekend. H did have therapy today and when I asked how he was afterwards he said, "So-so..you know-it's therapy.."- he seemed kind of down/withdrawn.

I hope I can keep my mind occupied this weekend. I do tend to ruminate and get down on the weekends. The weekends I know he is with the OW are harder though.