I hope your effort to find and book an appt. with a counselor happened!
It is tough to be "2x4'd", not doubt about it. But I think the people that 2x4 the hardest are also the ones that at one point or another were in the very same place.
I truly was on the verge of going off the deep end and so many of my thoughts were just like Kevin's. Evenutally it does begin to take a toll on not only your mind but your health. And I dont mean you just feel down in the dumps or sad, no, its something more than that.
There were many a days I would drive somewhere and not even remember how I got there. As I mentioned before, panic attacks were frequent with me. I lost 40 pounds and I only weighed 135 to begin with. Some people just handle things in a different way that isnt productive to their well being. The constant and obsessive worry is a terrible way to live (I know because I used to do that to the point of become physically ill). And when things get to that point its simply time to get some assistance beyond support groups and books. We all need help from time to time and usually the person that needs the help is the last one to really see it.
It's not about being mean or unkind or hey, lets all pick on Kevin and kick him when he is down. I would never particpate in such things because that is cruel. But I think the people that truly are the hardest on him (me included) are the ones that at one time were at the lowest of the low and on the verge of entering into a very dangerous mental place. Wishing and hoping or one thing but when it starts to become a way of life and all else is sort of ignored, well, you start falling down a slippery slope.
If you would prefer, Kevin, I will refrain from further comment. No harm, no foul. And yes, it is easy to give this advice but I can also assure you that I lived it and its not just something I read in a book.
I struggle each day but now I have the tools to be sure I never get stuck in such a reckless state. It has taken me close to 14 months and I dont ever claim it was simple. It still is the hardest thing I have ever done. But it is possible if you take the right steps.
