he is back, i think

[bluerain]

Ha! That was awesome!

I love the last part of your post! Maybe if she insists on talking to you, you could tell her that! Seems like if would shut her up!

[mdoodles]

thanks for your support....but honestly, she cannot insist to talk to me, i just wont allow it. nothing good can come out of it for me, therefore, i will continue to refuse to talk to her.

i have spoken and heard from her more than i would like. if anyone else has had the pleasure(lol) of speaking with the mistress, they will understand.

it just makes it all too real, if that makes sense. i do not want to hear her voice ever again, i do not want to see a text or message from her ever again.

and speaking to her, while it may clarify for her that he is home with me, she may tell me something that i didnt know that may only upset me.

i have learned that i would rather have some unknowns about them.

[bluerain]

I haven't ever spoken to the OW in my sitch. I sent her a few nasty texts, but thats it.

I think that its really smart to not ask questions you may not like the answers to. That was one that I had a tough time with. I wanted to know everything I could, and it destroyed my peace of mind very quickly!

I wouldnt be surprised at all if she did try to say something inflammatory to you.

[mdoodles]

i have learned enough about his disgusting time with her. and yes, she has already said plenty to me - she texted and called me back in november, when my son was sick, throwing up with fever (which i think she knew about), she called telling me she was (g-d help me) pregnant, which was a lie. can u imagine?

but thankfully, it was a lie.

i am still amazed that she has the guts to call me, but i have a feeling she never felt she was the mistress. she must have believed the lies about us being divorced or whatever he told her.

she is from another country, perhaps her behavior is normal where she comes from.

i would like her to find someone else already and move on. or go back to her country!

[mdoodles]

so instead of me writing about the ow (who deserves no attention), i will focus on my marriage.

this is not easy trying to work things out.

he is moody and up and down (which he always was). and i take it personally. i always think its about me.

as much as i read about this being normal, i have to say, i have no patience for it. its hurtful and im tired of hurting.

last night he slept on the couch in his office.

i hate that my feelings are still on hold, that everything seems to revolve around his moods and his behavior.

any advice? im tired of always being cheery, i feel like im allowed to get mad at his behavior.

lately i leave him alone when i see he is quiet, and i know he will turn it around to that i dont talk to him.

how do u talk to someone who isnt talking?

ughhhh, this is so very hard.

[mdoodles]

i am totally frustrated by h. i cannot deal with the moods, i have waited so long to have him home, and now i have to deal with the moods again?

i read in divorce remedy that this behavior is normal, but it is so hard to tolerate. i really take it personally and i really wonder if he is second guessing himself.

i hate that he feels he can come to bed for weeks and now choose the couch.

nothing happened. i didnt spark it. he just flips like a switch.

i really do not know how to deal with it, i dont want to mag and harp, but i am not interested in sitting quiet either.

maybe its about ow? i ask what is wrong, he says nothing.

what do i do?

[whatdidido]

Yes, this is all normal. If you want the marriage to work, you'll have to get through this. It's like a withdrawal. If he stopped seeing the OW he is having that withdrawal of not getting his "fix" from her. Could he be second guessing? Probably so, but it doesn't change anything. If he is trying to get through it, let him. Just make sure his actions continue to show you that he is working toward marriage. I'm sure it is extremely sickening and maddening, but it is what he needs to get through to make it to marriage. If he ever gets there, don't worry, he will deal with his own h*ll.

[mdoodles]

thanks for the advice. i am not sold that he doesnt talk to her, but i know he has not seen her in a few weeks.

the fact that he even comes home i guess shows he is trying.

it is just so hard.

and i really cant keep my mouth shut anymore because he also had the tendency to get moody and have people walking on eggshells and im not interested in living that way again.

[whatdidido]

Ok, you need to know that he will not have contact with her. Have him write a "no contact" letter to her stating that he loves you and is working on the marriage with you and that he does not want her contacting him ever again. YOU read it and mail it yourself. Make sure he shows you his cell bill, etc. Total transparency is what you need to rebuild trust. If he wants to really work on the marriage, he will do this. If he is playing you, he won't.

You will be able to handle the withdrawal if you know for certain he is not talking to her.

[mdoodles]

i havent post about myself in a while/

things are still up and down, our new business has alot to do with it.
h has the tendency to shut me out, change things between us, when something else is going wrong.

not fair. in the past i would leave it alone, not anymore. i keep trying to nip it in the bud. but it is frustrating.

he is extremely up and down with me. he goes from silent to talking to making plans with our friends that we havent gotten together with in 3 years! i stayed in close contact with them so it wasnt awkward. we had a really good time and guess what - now he is back to acting weird.

maybe it is still the adjustment to being home. i just dont know.