Dianes Roller Coaster Ride continued... lol

[Jayce]

Hi Diane. Just read your last post. Haven't been home much. Got H to Dr. for back, friend had foot surgery, I got called in to work. Week has gone way too fast.

You are never going to get any kind of specific answer unless you ask. You are never going to get any change unless you keep insisting instead of having normal, nothing's wrong conversations. I know that's hard to do. It pushes closer to "stay or go" and splitting is a tough option. It is easy to say you get to live your life the way you want, etc. but there's way more to it, for example having to move or being without enough income and the kids'lives being disrupted. I figure it takes about 10 years to recover financially from divorce. Unless you find a rich guy LOL.

Your guy has it made. So far, even tho you've raised hell in the past and are doing it again now, you've always backed off at some point, waiting for his answer, change, next move - and there isn't one. Ball's in his court & he just hangs onto it. Game over. You don't win, he doesn't lose. It is time for you to go to some kind of counseling, small town or not. Get a professional to help you figure out how to survive, live with your marriage as is or how to move on.

As usual, the evil meanie in me says make an appointment for both of you & take him while he's home. Tell him you're going out for ice cream. Ambush isn't nice, but it'd sure shake things up.

The more practical side of me says if you want to ML, act like it. Every time he is home, every nite, wear the sexy stuff, approach him (as if nothing's wrong)in a positive mood. Pleasant, friendly, happy, not confrontational or like its a trap. Actions speak louder than words. You've said you're a sexual person, show him.

I know rejection is hard to take, exactly how it feels, but if you're not backing up your requests with action - well, I'm guessing he benefits from knowing you're chicken to go for it. He doesn't have to initiate, he figures he'd strike out, make things worse, whatever's in his head. You know he's capable. He's young, healthy, head's scrambled, yes, but no physical limitations. If he declines, at least you know he's not trying to hide an ED problem or something similar.

Could you live with having as much sex as you want if you always have to initiate to get it? Or do you have to have him initiate in order to prove to you he wants you? That he really wants you? Its possible he needs that "engraved invitation" to be sure you really want him.

Even if you tried it before & it didn't work, try it again. every night. You have nothing to lose. You will not only clearly show him you mean what you say, you will also learn a little more about what you want & what you can deal with. I hate that part, LOL, learning more about myself :P
Jayce