I see two separate issues here which you are linking together and using blaming your wife which is stopping you moving forward. What is your end goal? To have a more loving, fulfilling relationship with your wife? Your wife may be happier, and you too, thus having more energy with regard to your home.
It may be that you have to let go of some pride issues here to get towards your end goal - do not confuse this with integrity... I mean this with regards to the house work etc. which I see improvement on this may happen as a happy by product of your improved relationship and sex life.
Your wife has said that she wants to be seduced but you say you can't (or is this more honestly because you do not want to?) because of her lack of contribution to the kids, chores etc. How does this help you move towards your end goal and how are they linked?
What was different about how you acted and how she acted when your sex life was good as opposed to now? Start there, you will get some really great clues as to change things.
