She doesn't love me anymore

[xalelle]

Duly, i tried to warn you to be ready for this. Return of a WAS seems to almost always be 2 steps forward 1 back - sometimes 1 forward 2 back!

Stop trying to analyze every little detail - in fact, try to focus a little less on W overall!

Absolutely, stop prompting for her to tell you she loves you! every time you do that you make her think and feel like she may just be giving you lip service.. self fulfilling prophecy, eventually it will be nothing but response. Stop telling her. She knows, and it is through your actions that you will show this.

The fact that you are still discussing things together and planning is all positive.. that there is no romance in the air at the moment is just the current waiver in romantic love - it can come back, but even if it does it will come and go, and if you want it you will have to learn how to feed it (lesson I had to learn the hard way with two separate bombs.. and expect I will need another reminder again eventually)

Dont expect closeness.. heck, dont EXPECT anything from W. Just keep working on being the best you can be.

The R with D is tough, but man, for yourself it is important! If you end up spending the rest of your life as part of this family, you have to find a way to make it work. But like any other R, give this time too.. oh, and dont fake it, kids see through that in no time. Just be genuine, caring, and use the same techniques you are using with W (listen, validate, etc) with the Ds! DB is NOT just about how we interact with our spouses, but also how we interact with everyone!

Let me put something in perspective for you. You have only been married 7 months, and on this board about 2 weeks. My first sitch resulted in a 4 month sep, 3.5 months of which was spent on this board, DBing my heart out.. guess what, I am better, and more deserving of the love that I reinspired in my W.. of course I drifted, which is why I am back.. but same lessons returned and are helping us recover again. And even now, with both of us proclaiming joy for the return of romance and "love" to our marriage, there are times when W is distant.. I think still recovering, and still wondering if it is for real.

DBing is for life Duly, not days or weeks. Live it. The rest will fall in place.