Being left for someone elso is the bisggest betrayal one can ever experience. It makes your head reel. That is slow to pass, even if your STBX is having an affair with "grandpa" as my STBX was and is.
There is no WHY. Yesterday, I heard that a couple who my kids went to school with are getting divorced after 22 years. He just left. She found emails that he was corresponding with 20 women from across the country. Ugh!!!!!
There's a ratty cage making ratty noises looking for your ratties!
This week I decided to sell my house (my proceeds from the divorce), sell the luxury car ex gave me for my birthday (if you know anyone who's interested in a Lexus IS 350 with the sport package at a reasonable price, let me know!) and let go of the the stuff that keeps me intangibly connected to him.
You've seen my house.. way too big for two people. I can survive here, but I can't save money... I'm a prisoner to the mortgage and can't afford much else.
It's about letting go. Your in-laws are not invalids, they're adults. They look for your direction. They feel a responsibility for your welfare after the your struggle with the divorce. You are not responsible for their wellbeing.
I have to tell you, getting the house ready to sell is a liberating experience. It's an action I'm taking for me, to make my life better, for me and the kids.
Set yourself free. Set your in-laws free. I repeat, you are not responsible for their wellbeing. It was a good situation when you were married, now it's awkward for both.
Shed the mantle of having to take care of the world.. and take care of yourself.
"You said "chance of reconcilling." What on earth gave you the impression that that might even be a possibility? Am I missing something?"
Nothing gave me the idea that it would be a possibility. In fact I said "It isn't going to happen..." I was just saying that holding onto the old family homestead and keeping his parents as boarders is not going to increase the likelihood of reconcilliation, if anything, it would probably lessen it. Why would I think that you were trying to hold onto the house and living situation for such a reason? Because I really don't see anything valuable about holding onto them if you are moving forward into a new future that includes letting go, really, of all this stuff with XH and his family.
Donna, I think you're doing fine and I don't see why ot is hell-bent on you cutting ties with ex-il's. It seems nicer for the kids this way.
Different families have different dynamics. I think it's to your ex-il's credit that they see that your h f'ed up. Many just blindly support their kids no matter what they do.
Went to IC today - first time in a month! I could hardly believe it. And no phone calls to her at all. That's pretty amazing, and she pointed out that it was a sign of growth. Told her all about the vacation, having kids see X for lunch afterwards, letting the little stuff go... also about how I wondered about not being able to have any contact with him at all, but while recognizing that this is the healthiest way to be right now. She pointed out that he has proven that he isn't ready for any kind of civil dealings, either, not just me. We spoke about in-laws and that sitch, how I have backed off relying on her for support for probably most of the past year, and that leaving the opening there for them to feel free to go is the best thing. I know I'll be fine either way, but it is nice for the kids especially, to have them here. So it is what it is for the time being. Meanwhile, I have to get back to concentrating on fixing up the house, first to live in, second, to make it marketable and protect my asset, if I do decide a move is in order in the future.
I am grateful for friends who tell me their thoughts and ideas, like you all do.
We are set to have a GLORIOUS weekend, in the low 80s!! Hope you all get to enjoy it, too!! My daughter's 10th birthday party is this weekend - a sleepover Sat, then up and off to the indoor water park with 7 kids!
That is the perfect way to put that. I couldn't seem to put into words what I'm mourning still. It's not him, just the simple pleasures of being married. The companionship, support, cuddles, etc..
Thanks for putting it into words that make more sense.
Glad your vacation was GREAT!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
We had a great weekend. Monday was, well, Monday, but D10 and I went to a beading thing at church and made some bracelets. Tonight was some shopping for her outfit for her concert Thursday.
Thursday........ My night with the kids, which is good. But I also expect it will be the first time that I see X and his gf together, with her whole brood in tow. Her D, my D's best friend, is in the chorus, too.
I'm getting nervous. Today was the first that I thought of it. I have been doing so well, feeling so good. So far, I'm not hurt, just feeling a little sick to my stomach/bothered by the idea of seeing them together, hand in hand. It seems that every time I get to an ok place, another cut comes. And I shouldn't be getting hurt, anymore. It is all in my own head - accept it, and it won't hurt.
This defies logic, what is in my head. This is all from the gut. But its just easier to pretend that he is dead. Its been so long, hopefully he'll look so different, so foreign...or I just won't see them together at all. Blech.
Show up early and sit in the front if possible. then bring a book or something to read while you are waiting for the show to start...don't spend your time looking around for him/them. You can do this.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
