WOW, I needed that. You are absolutely correct. I'm actually going to print this out and read it over and over again. It makes sense. I have to think about this and really practice this I guess. I know I have ALWAYS worn my heart on my sleeve and it has gotten me no where with women. I see your points and will be reviewing them.
I won't steer you wrong. Piece of cake. You know this is the right thing deep down inside. Your hope is in letting her WONDER if you have let go. That is best done by leaving her alone and letting her come to you. When she does, just stay middle of the road. Be nice,but be busy. Women are attracted to busy men. Women go by their feelings. You have to get her feelings to change. To do that you need to "help" her to think different thoughts. Right now she is going back and forth.. "do I want to come home... I know I should,but I don't FEEL anything for him... I shouldn't like OM,but I just FEEL that he is right for me.. if I go home, what if OM leaves his wife..... I know AFWAW loves me and is still there for me, but I just don't FEEL the way I want for him.... He has been good to me throught this BUT..... and round and round and round she thinks... LET HER THINK by backing off.....
Once you back off and let her wonder she then will start to think some other things... once you PROVE to her that you agree with her that it may be hopeless and that you get her message and FINALLY understand and show her you understand and as a matter of fact suddenly realize how silly you have been to be chasing her and pressuring her and trying to sell your marriage and yourself to her.. and that you now are not sure WHAT you want even if she did change her mind....
She then gets the opportunity and the fear of thinking...
OH MY GOD!! Is THIS what I really want?.. HAVE I made a mistake? I wonder if AFWAW has found someone else.. Maybe I will give him a call.. I do have feelings for him, BUT....
It is when she comes around and is seeking for validation that you are still there for her that you need to have the strength and the self respect and self esteem to HOLD THE LINE..... Just like fishing.. You can't try to reel them in too soon.
Did you ever observe a cat? They will ignore you and want to run away if you force yourself on them and try to pet them or get too close to them for long....
However, if you go on about your business and ignore them, then they get curious. They will follow your every move and let you think they are not paying attention. Suddenly they will jump on your lap and want you to stroke them.....
Same routine here.... You have everything to gain here. Just leave her alone and let her come to you. She WILL. When she does, then be pleasant, be busy, be confident make the contact short and sweet and leave it with a ....."I was just... or I was right in the middle of.... or I can't talk right now, but thanks for calling..... or.... Hey I have another call coming in, I will talk to you later".... (get it?) Not mean, not punitive, not punishing. Ask for nothing. Give her nothing except a nice confident mature man. YOU stop the relationships talks. She brings one up, then that is your cue to END THE CALL with the above responses and tell her you can talk about it later... (and then don't) dodge and duck..
Your goal is to get ALL PRESSURE OFF. ALL.. Not one ounce or iota of pressure. NONE. ZILCH....
Once the pressure is off... KEEP IT OFF.. Love works best without pressure. Love works best when it is the other persons choice.
