WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 7

[MrBond]

Combine all the messages into one text. Just keep the answers short and sweet. Yes and no type.

Just remember this is all part of the rollercoaster of emotions.

[confusedinpa]

I just finished talking to my friend who is a WAW - she moved out 6 months ago.

I talked to her about the text/emails and she said it did seem a little odd that she would ask about the visit with my mom and aunt as well as the trip I'm planning with my boys.

That's a good idea to roll up the replys into a single response. I'll have to try that next time.

She also agreed that 2 weeks was not enough time to wait, she had thought 3-4 months would be more like it - ACK!!! I told her that I was going to wait 4 weeks and then try to get a little interest (i.e. start asking how she was doing and see if she asks me back). Any thoughts?

This roller coaster s**ks!

[MrBond]

Yeah I would say minimum a month. You just have to play it by ear.

It was 5 months before my W came back (according to her, not of her own choosing). But things got better and last week was the first time in over a year that we actually had lunch together alone. And last night we watched tv alone for the first time in awhile also. Baby steps all the way.

[antlers]

I just finished talking to my friend who is a WAW - she moved out 6 months ago.

I talked to her about the text/emails and she said it did seem a little odd that she would ask about the visit with my mom and aunt as well as the trip I'm planning with my boys.

That's a good idea to roll up the replys into a single response. I'll have to try that next time.

She also agreed that 2 weeks was not enough time to wait, she had thought 3-4 months would be more like it - ACK!!! I told her that I was going to wait 4 weeks and then try to get a little interest (i.e. start asking how she was doing and see if she asks me back). Any thoughts?

This roller coaster s**ks!

Yeah...my wife's been gone for over 2 months, and she's nowhere close to any knid of relationship talk whatsoever.

[confusedinpa]

Well I moved a bunch of the stuff that we agreed was going. It was harder than I thought to move it into the garage. I'm really hurting and I'm beating myself up internally (as well as listening to old love songs). I know I need to stop so I can be strong. I'm going do what my therapist said was just allow myself to cry/grieve for 30 minutes to let it out.

Its a rough nite. I'm not sure if I'm missing her or the reality of the possible finality of my marriage is hitting me

[confusedinpa]

No contact at all this morning from her. Guess it's a case of careful of what you wish for as you may get it. I'm not sure if I miss her or wondering what she is up to. I would have thought she would have contacted me about the garage sale stuff but guess not.

I am mad at myself for not realizing earlier the scope/magnitude of the problem but know I can't do anything about that now. I get it now

Now I'm mad that she's not giving us a chance. I know I can't do anything about thay now

The only thing I can control is my own happiness and take care of me and the boys. I know I can be happy without her, it's just that I need to make that choice. She has made hers. I guess I have to make mine

This roller coaster s@@ks

[theroadback]

The one thing that worked in another sitiuation like yours, is another person or the just the thought of it. As soon as he dated she came back quicker that I can type this.

I not saying to do that but while she has the kids it would not hurt to put yourself out there.... test the water a little see what happens...make her worry a little. Just go to a few clubs. you have not tried that yet ...hey nothing else worked maybe making her jelous will....

I must say it does not work for me, my wife just gets mad and withdrawals more ...but thats my sitch everyone is differant.

[antlers]

25 says that you can 'choose' to feel differently and start that by 'thinking' differently. "Where the head goes, the heart will follow".

[confusedinpa]

The one thing that worked in another sitiuation like yours, is another person or the just the thought of it. As soon as he dated she came back quicker that I can type this.

I not saying to do that but while she has the kids it would not hurt to put yourself out there.... test the water a little see what happens...make her worry a little. Just go to a few clubs. you have not tried that yet ...hey nothing else worked maybe making her jelous will....

I must say it does not work for me, my wife just gets mad and withdrawals more ...but thats my sitch everyone is differant.

I had gone out a couple of times before she moved out. It was part of my DB'ing where I just went out with some of the guys. When I got home, she did grill me and acted jealous. About a few weeks ago, she started saying how as soon as she moves out, she thinks that I will just get mad and find someone else to move on. I had asked her if that was what she had wanted and she just broke down crying saying that she didn't know what she wanted. All she knew was that she needed time/space to heal.

A few of my friends and my therapist thinks that another thing could be is that's what she was planning on doing.

I just don't know. I know I need to stick with my plan to go Dark/DIM for the first 3-4 weeks. She left on Sat, so it's now day 6. Although I did see her on Sun when she picked up the kids, then I saw her on Mon when she picked me up to go to the required Children of Divorce seminar and we had lunch together and we text/emailed on Weds and we she called me on Thurs. No contact today. So maybe this is really Day 1 of the Dark/DIM. Hmmmmm.....

So tough.....

[confusedinpa]

25 says that you can 'choose' to feel differently and start that by 'thinking' differently. "Where the head goes, the heart will follow".

I had heard that too, but I'm torn as am I just lying to myself then.....