S4H....I'm sorry for your sitch, but you are right in the fact that by toughing it out for now and saving up money for separate households later, you are doing yourself a favor. Not everyone has the stomach for an in-house separation and many couples want to kill each other by the end of it...but it sounds like at least your W is mature enough to not be a huge beeotch to you, and you are sweet and kind enough to not throw her out....so for that much, I hope you are proud of both of you. It will really help you to be financially prepared so that is a small blessing. Its so much more stressful when you have to separate and neither of you can afford it.
Just happened to stumble onto your thread. Like you, I am currently in an unofficial "in-house" separation with W and it is very difficult on so many levels. W is really pushing to sell our house so that we would be forced to move but the market is just not that favorable right now and we would likely have to take a huge hit on our 401k's to clear out all of our joint debt.
I found what is best for me is to treasure as much time with my kids as I can and to have an active life outside of work and home. Feel free to stumble over to Hopefulness sometime if you wish...
If I didn't know better, I would swear DQ is some sort of undercover DB spy for MWD. She is very much spot on with her advice...
Me 52, STBEX 52 D 17, S 12 M 20 years Em Sep since 2002, Phys Sep Sept 2009
Thanks for the post. You are right about not everyone having the stomach for it - not sure I do on somedays and honestly I really don't recommend this situation unless it is absolutely necessary. However, a little bit of pain now will help alleviate a lot of possible financial hardship down the line.
Appreciate your effort in keeping track of me and posting to my sitch.
Let me say I feel your pain and agree with your approach of just appreciating the time with the kids and keeping as active as possible. Actually the W and I both do this to mitigate the amount of time we are together right now.
I'll pop over to Hopefulness and read up on you. Thanks for the post.
Okay - I am scratching my head on this one. My W who had the affair and no longer wants to be married to me, is now asking why SHE should be the one to move out of the house and not stay with the kids. So she refuses to move out.
Need me to come up and give her 5 or 10 good reasons to leave? How about telling her if she cannot remove herself from the house, that under the circumstances, you would be more than happy to call shore patrol and let them remove her, right after you call the command to tell them why she wants a divorce?
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Thanks SMW - but she's not interested in reasons, no matter what they are. In her mind she doesn't think the affair should not be a reason for her to have to move out. I've given up trying to understand that line of thought at all.
Feeling very depressed today. It is my W's birthday and I miss celebrating it with her. I am away on a business trip and sent her presents and a card, which she received yesterday (package tracked as delivered so I know she got it). I also sent her a short email this morning wishing her a happy birthday. I have not heard from her at all. I know it probably comes off as pursuing and I should not have expectations of her responding, but it has just really depressed me. Right now I am really hating all of this.
Update: Disgruntled wife still living in the house with me because she doesn't want to leave the kids. I have asked her to leave several times to no avail. I know I could throw her out but I can't do that to my kid's Mother. I have refused to move out - even though it is pure misery living with someone you love that doesn't care a rat about you.
However, this weekend took me to a new low. I have been offered a VERY significant promotion which would be a stepping stone to an even larger promotion in about 3 years. This would allow me to comfortably retire in just 10 years. The problem is I would have to relocate to the West Coast and W will not let me take the kids with me. So tomorrow, I will turn down this amazing opportunity because I cannot imagine living that far away from my kids and seeing them only sporadically throughout the year.
It just really sucks. For the past 15 years I have followed my W around the world so that she could get the assignments she needed to be promoted up through the ranks while my career looked like a rollercoaster. I know I'm probably just feeling sorry for myself, it just feels like one more kick in the face.
Yesterday, my W signed a 1 year lease at an apartment complex approximately 3 miles from where we currently live. Her move in date is September 25th, so we are 7 weeks from being physically separated. Surprisingly (or maybe not surprisingly) I am not that upset about it. While I was hoping that reconcilliation would happen between us, this state of limbo these past 12 months has been stressful and depressing. At this point I look forward to moving on either with her or without her.
