Pollyana said: "For example - Dad missed a visitation because his OW needed him to go shopping with her. Child is disappointed and hurt. i want to tell the child yes daddy is as selfish and self absorbed and does not care about how you feel. He is bhving like a teenager and let shope he realises this before it is to late ? Or do I say OH well sometimes daddy gets caught up and forgets time."
This is exactly why counselors and coaches are advised for the WHOLE family when going through a divorce or separation (when there are children involved). They can help you discuss your pain and disappointment about the actions of the other parent, while then deciding how to frame your comments to the children about the other parent's actions. And they help the children talk directly, themselves, about their feelings about what each parent is doing or not doing, etc. It is important for a child to have an IMPARTIAL party to discuss these issues with.
It is so important to be clear with yourself about the difference between the pain you are feeling from your own situation and the pain the kids are feeling from theirs. That's why professional help is needed.
But in a nutshell....
We teach kids what is right by always doing the right thing ourselves.
