K- in search of a bit of factual information...how is it that your H holds down 2 jobs? Is one full time and the other part time? Or both part time? Or are both full time?
<< I do commend you and think it very honorable and noble that you stuck it out this long. Yup! K, Have you tried the "marriage education" approach with H to get him 'on board' and get you out of this rut you're in? I know it maybe another shot in the dark but probably well worth the shot. There are several convenient and relatively inexpensive ways to do this. For example here's a good bet; I've read a couple of books and papers by this guy and he seems among the best available. I believe your sitch can be saved with some smart moves before it is too late. http://www.gottman.com/marriage/video_workshop/
He refuses to, fb2, he thinks it's all too theoritical. I've tried, bought books etc. The language barrier for him means that our choices in "educational" things avalaible are very few.
GFI, he works 2 full time jobs, one in the morning & one in the afternoon/late night. He is a journalist and working as a press officer. Works 6 days a week... K
Hey K...hows things today? Its Friday.. isnt that your night off, when you have the childminder? I'm guessing that H isnt going to be with you this evening though, as he has a heavy workload until May 2nd? I was looking forward to a chat with you, but I am going out this evening, but I hope you are doing something nice or having a good Friday night with or without H!
Is he planning to spend the weekend with you at least, stay over? Can you invite him to?
xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I had a bad day today. It started yestreday now that I think about it but I didnt put much thought to an incident then.
Last night my friend that lives 80km out of Athens invited us to spend the day there, informed me another family of friends were going. I called H at work and asked him if he wanted to go. He said "yes". It was a bit short (the answer) so I asked if he was sure he wanted to go and he got upset because I asked. I told him that I have recently found out (through MC) that he used to agree with my suggestions a lot without wanting to and I was trying to make sure this wasnt the case. He got mad and asked "why do I keep doing this?". I said I didnt understand and we dropped it after I explained again I was making sure he liked the idea.
Today I picked him up from his house, both kids in the car. We were talking about World Wars with my son, music loud, happy and he gets in the car and I ask him if he could remember something my son asked that I couldnt. He said what he thought was true about it (World War I) and I was excited and said "get out of here, really? I would never have thought so". So he looks at me while I drive and tells me "can you please NOT shout, what is this, I hate it when you shout" with a very "looking down attitude" (not sure the phrase is correct). I was shocked because I wasnt shouting, I swear I was only excited. Of course he looked sleepy and tired and "out of context" again so I explained I was NOT shouting. He repeated his "dont shout please, I am fed up with you shouting". So I replied already mad, "well, I am sorry if I am not a zombie". THat was it! He was furious. He said I keep insulting him and he "will no longer take this and he will not play my fool anymore". I was even more shocked and furious too so I replied "whatever, do as you please".
He continued, spewing through his teeth, pulling the belt seat, acting like crazy repeating "this is enough this is enough". I told him that I didnt appreciate him getting in the car and making remarks to me, that I wouldnt take his "violence" anymore and I had enough too. I also said "YOU are playing my fool? are you sure, because then what am I supposed to feel". He then remembered the kids were in the car and told me quietly to "shut up, end it here and that is an order". I became sarcastic, didnt say much just nodded and said "really? who says?"
He went off that people dont change, that I am the meanenst person he has ever met in his life and that he cant believe so much meaness can exist in one's heart (mine). That's what he used to tell me during the crazy phase before we separated when he was constantly mad at me and I have told him that that was one of the things that hurt most. It really has a very strong effect on me.
So, I pulled over and asked him to get out, that he wouldnt ruin my day. He didnt, the kids started realising what was going on, he used them by saying "mom wants me to get out but she is only really playing", so I had to go on. We drove an hour with no words and I kept the music loud and was lost in my thoughts.
The day went by, we had little to no contact, the kids had fun, we came back now, I left him and my son at his house (my D stayed at our friend's house-first time ever she is staying away from both of us) and I am really really...fed up. K
Maria, sorry about your day well car journey really. Who knows how or why or what, try not to overthink it,I doubt anyone could work it out. You did well for your kids sake. Hope tomorrow brings a better day,perhaps he'll call and explain or apologise. Stay strong,take care. Maybe he is trying to force your hand is the nearest I can get to it.
I'm sorry you had such an awful experience. It does seem that he wants to have power over you, to tell you what to do and give you orders, which you are not good at taking. I really think it is time to stop inviting him places. Spend time with people who like you, and like being with you. If he is not one of those people, then avoid him.
The scene in the car seems metaphoric. The family is in the car. You are the driver. He acts up and gets kicked out of the car, i.e., the family. Does he even realize how tenuous his position is?
