Still status quo. It's a bit uncomfortable. She is not very exuberant. She came up and hugged me the other night, still have not told me she loves me without being prompted. Now I am uncomfortable saying it... Thinking I'll stop and wait for her to make that move. No more ML... We've been talking a bit about the future. She wants to plant flowers and we talked about camping trips with the kids this summer. All in all, I don't see the love there. Maybe I'm confusing the stage 1 "In love infatuation" for a settling in toned down love, but with all this D talk, I'm not sure if she just isn't sure, is taking it slowly, or I'm just paranoid. And I know... Work on me!
The one area that is very difficult is building a relationship with her children... not so much the older one, but the younger one. She is stubborn and argumentative and has a close relationship with her father, which puts a bit of a barrier between us. Problem is, W scrutinizes every interaction and verbal exchange between us and then tries to coach me. There is no was in hell that I can discipline her in any way, or critique anything she does. My thought is that if the daughter relationship doesn't work, neither will the W relationship. I'm getting the feeling that the daughters are more important than me, so I'm expendable, rather than making the daughters conform to some sort of a family unit that includes me. Anyway, I just don't sense a closeness with the W. I'm feeling a bit adrift again after feeling moving in the right direction. I'm feeling almost like she is wavering a bit... not so much by her tone or actions, but by her inactions. Bringing this up, pushing the issue or throwing in the towel are not options for me, but it does beging to grate on me. If I exhibit frustration or try to express my views, it will appear to her as a retreat to "my old self." It's just so damn uncomfortable!
