AFWAW, Please listen to Vorlon. Stop getting down on yourself...I am pro-marriage 99% of the time so my mindset is always on the dream of sitting on the porch watching the grandkids with the woman I married as a young man...I hope your marriage is something you both want soon forever...having said that...do not forget your daughter(she is always #1), good job on the drinking, do not put your job in jeopardy, stay focused. You must make a plan and if it includes divorce then so be it.
Vorlon is correct about telling your CC about this Lt Col...you must remember you are an SNCO. You do not want to look back in 20 years and feel like you failed a integrity check...tell your/her 1st Sgt what is going on (do you have any proof of anything?)
Do not feel that no one else is going to want you. You have greatly undersetimated the rest of the women out there...you have demonstrated you are an hoorable person and have much to offer someone else if it comes to that. Go to school, get involved with church, and the many volunteer opportunities on every base. Take your little girl out to do things that are not commercial and cost a fortune...save as much money as you can. Give your wife nothing...this includes your time. Let her see her daughter when your daughter is ready...she is old enough to know what is going on and after your wife lied about the soap at the apartment she gave up her "vote" on moral upbringing...good job on everything but ending the affair...expose now. I do not think "scorched earth" is the way to go though...tell your shirt, get the no contact order in-place, and then you can work on the marriage. I would also recommend you get the Chaplin involved by having him go to her duty section for a visit to see everyone...if this is going on then work is not going on.
Stay focused and take care. Good luck with the stripe...not much longer.
Lucky, Good questions. Right now, I don't see a whole lot. I've been lazy in my relationship. I'll be 40 next month.
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Are there things about yourself that you can see improving to make yourself more desireable to a woman?
I don't know. Probably need to be stronger emotionally and have more confidence in myself. I can be really moody at times as well. My wife seems to think that I will have no problems--I thought to myself if this is the case then why the hell did she do what she did?
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What is the plain truth? What do you see in yourself?
Not a whole lot at this point. I know I have morals at least and want to do the right thing. I'm very tired though and pretty despondant so I guess I do need to do some soul searching.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
I believe with her actions in the past couple of days,that I am leaning to Varlon, I have never been in the military, but he sure made a good argument for turning these people in to their superiors.
I still think we should wait until the May 7th, deadline, because that is the natural way to do it, Get the promotion and leave, turn in the ones that are breaking the rules and then ask her one last time, are you in or are you out.
For the record. Gorgeous, intelligent, witty, great women of strong character are out there, available, and are mature enough to look at the whole package, investigate why the divorce happened, and see the man for the man in all of his glory, weird flaws and all. I PROMISE.
People who stereotype and think that divorce is a flaw or a negative part of a person are WRONG. This experience is making you become a better man and it's proving that you are absolutely worthy of true love.
And, AHEM, 40 is NOT OLD. It is not too late. It is not the end. Watch what you're implying, buster! Some of us are just BEGINNING our lives and feel great about it. ; )
We see your beautiful "inside" on this board. You are a decent, noble man of strong character, great depth, intelligence, and you are more than able to tap into your passion (but I have a feeling you need to work on doing that outwardly because of the confidence issue that you mention). You have so much to offer. You need to see yourself as whole and strong and able WITHOUT HER. Because it is the truth.
I have a feeling that she says you'll do fine because she knows you ARE great. She just doesn't know how to WORK with you to bring out the passion that she needs. She wants it to be easy. In her quest for pursuing the life she wants *out there*, she is being cruel to you and your daughter. You were right in that she will regret this one day.
CONFIDENCE. Time to work on this first and foremost. I can rub your belly all day, but you need to do the work to help yourself see it. What are you doing to GAL? I think you need a new activity that puts you in a fresh mindset and among fresh, smiling faces. Martial arts? Dance? Cooking classes? What's your poison?
What else. Do you need a makeover? Haircut? Good shoes?
I still think we should wait until the May 7th, deadline, because that is the natural way to do it, Get the promotion and leave, turn in the ones that are breaking the rules and then ask her one last time, are you in or are you out.
I'm leaning towards this right now. The problem is, I don't know who the guy is. I'm going to ask someone I know tonight. Thinking of emailing the wife as well if I can find out. And no, I have not told my wife of my thoughts on this yet.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
