The adventure continues--part 3

[Vorlon]

AFWAW,

I have been following your sitch since you first joined this board. As a retired AF SNCO I too spent many years of my career away from my wife and family. It is part of what makes us who we are and different from those who have not lived the life. Not better or worse just different. It is choice we make and like the choice your wife made to break her vows and destroy your relationship. You and your wife unfortunately are also follwoing in another long tradition of marriage problems due to long seperations. I won't condem your wife..It would be too easy and serve no purpose. You have recieved great advice. You have followed it pretty closely and have had some success. There is a time and a place for doing what is right and in your case you have to start doing it now!

The right thing is often the hardest. It rarely gets rewarded for it is it's own reward. You know this in your heart.

You have been more generous and kind and forgiving than 90% of the population of men in this situation. What has it gotten you? What has it done/doing to your daughter?

IMHO: Your wife is cake eating. She is/has had an inapproproate relationship with and officer. She is guilty and so is he. You have a duty to make him live by his committments. This is not a choice for if you let him off the hook he will do it again and defame the service and his country. He knows the law and the regulations. He has no respect for you and thinks he is above it all because he is an Officer. Those types are a danger to all of us. I saw a few of them in my time so it is not new.

You will survive without a cheating wife. She is not the women you married. She has reveled her true colors. What her chaarcter is truely made of. I'm not saying she can't change as we all change but in your eagerness to try and bring her back and your generosity it has given her free reign to disrespect you in front of friends and collegues (What person would do that to somebody they loved and respected). She no longer feels the love and respect for you that is required ina marriage and thus you have to take strong action if it is to ever change. You are a proud man..Not to pround that you can't foregive a mistake. But this is not a mistake. It is willful, porposeful and destructive behavior that she is not facing any consequesnces for. IMO that has to stop. There are choices we all make. Each has a consequence.

I would say you are a far better human being than I am. I would have gone scorched earth as soon as I knew the details. Remember: Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.

I have been married 23 years. Two years ago and after I retired we almost split. It took me on a journey that has taken alot of time and a lot of effort. I had to come to the full realization that I could live and live well without my wife if it came to that. I then had to make a choice each day weather I wanted to stay married to this women. I weighed it against all the factors I wanted in mate and surprisely she still fit the bill. But it didn't stop there..it took work from both parties and full accountability from each of us to make it work. Personally I would have wlaked away in your situation. But this isn't about me.

I think you need to really be ready to walk. Even file for divoce under grounds of adultry if that is possible in your state. Divorce can mean the end of your current marriage. But then it may be the thing that can let you two build a new marriage from the ashes of the old one. One in which you both choose everyday to be with each other. Life is about choices. Choose wisely.

Good Luck my friend...I have felt your pain, anguish and anger. I have felt disgust at what your wife has put you through. I know you are a strong man and you will prevail. The future is bright. You just need to face it without fear or reservation. Stand tall and take the steps that are right for you and your daughter. You wife has chosen her path. Let her live with it. If she wakes up in time she will come pounding at your door. It will only work if it comes from her. You must walk your own path now!

Vorlon