In thinking back, there really isn't any kind of "talk" about X. On the weekend that we came back from vacation, I let the kids go to see him for lunch on that Sat. MIL asked me why: said she hoped I knew it wouldn't "earn any points from him," that he wouldn't reciprocate, etc. I just said that I did it for the kids - had nothing to do with him. And that's the truth; they had missed him. She seems angrier at him than I am; I have found that it is much better to not talk to her about the sitch at all, anymore. I don't bring it up.
As for being hung up on X...yep, but I think it is more in the abstract, now. I am hung up on a man who doesn't exist, who may have never existed. It is the idea, the possibilities that I could see in the future, based on long-ago perceptions from the past. And there are some of the more down-to-earth issues, like having someone to call on a whim, snuggle with, have help with the work of life, an understanding sounding board, the person in your corner all the time...being married in general, not as specific to him.
Just going with the changes, even if it is really slow-going.
Thanks kat - its easier to change a thought while you're awake, than at night in a dream. Those are a PITA, shows I'm still dealing with stuff.
