I love my wife more than anything. I would walk away from everyone of my material possessions for her, and never look back, and never regret it - if it would make my family whole, and make my 6 and 8 year old smile again.
I have told Pearl, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart that I would crawl through broken glass for her.
But, here's the thing. I believe in one marriage. I gave my wife my vows, and I will stand by them until I die as I promised her and God. I'm not looking for a quick out so I can go pick up some other honey.
But when she started an affair, she treated me to the most utter disrespect possible, not to mention my children. She chose to lose 50% of her time with them, and then chose to spend even more time with some random man. She chose not to go to marriage counseling, chose not to make any efforts.
I filed for the dissolution, and I despise divorce.
I say all that to say this. My wife needs to be a woman. She needs to suck it up, and be a mom, and a wife, and a woman, and do right by her husband and her children, because we deserve better. I have read your aching posts on here, and seen your hurt.
And, when I hear you hanging on, desperately hoping for H to hit bottom or for Catlady to fizzle out - do you hear yourself? You are hoping for the scuzzy leftovers, and that when all else falls apart for H, he'll come back and pick you over the crap in his life. Are you OK with that?
Are you OK with being his last resort when everything else in his life sucks? I'm not!
Again, I will not date/remarry/etc - I am 31, and will be single for the next 60-odd years, and it was a choice I made when I said my vows to W. But the moral example I will be to my children, the dignity that I hold for myself, and the respect and treatment that I require from others makes me who I am.
Also, I repeat, I would literally walk out my front door, get in the car with W and the kids, and never give a second thought if I knew for sure it would bring my family back.
BUT, I am worth so much more than the person W turns to when the rest of her life has turned to crap.
I'm not saying to run off to divorce - that's a choice that only you can make, and you need to be OK with it, and what we think doesn't matter. I wasn't OK filing dissolution for a long long time, but I am now. But your H needs to come to YOU. He needs to clearly and unequivocally admit his mistakes and his wrongs, and get help for them, and be prepared to do whatever it takes to make it right, and you need to expect that.
You can and should forgive him in sincerity if he is legitimate, but I stand by my earlier statements.
