AFWAW,
I feel so bad for you and your daughter. Iraq, Bronze Star, Vet, 20+ yrs Active Duty, MSgt (the Star should get you SMSgt, good luck). I did 27+ years, if you can try and make SMSgt and CMSgt and do the 30. You will be very pleased with the money
...it is time for you to end this. Tell the Lt Col's wife now...this will stop him. With his wife being a Col this will create much stress for him...don't worry about thinking your wife will be embarrassed, you can bet money her shop knows already and the gossip mill is working overtime...I am not sure but I thought you said she was a TSgt or MSgt, either way, how can she expect anyone she supervises to listen to a word she says...she has given up the moral authority to be a NCO or SNCO. Don't you do the same thing by not doing your duties...this is affecting the mission of her section...guaranteed!
Go talk to your 1st Sgt now! He can get a no contact order issued very quickly to prevent this Lt Col from talking to your wife...she is going to be embarrassed but will not have to worry about a court martial (she deserves an Art 15 though) with such a big difference in the ranks the Lt Col is an idiot. Expose now. Your 1st Sgt can talk to his 1st Sgt. I think the best way is for you to talk to the Command Chief though...with him having the ear of the CC for enlisted matters this will quickly come to an end...guaranteed when the find out you were in Iraq and could not trust the officers...your marriage will survive the exposure, it will not survive the affair and neither will your pride.
The most important is your daughter...take care of her and do not expose her to your wife when she is acting this way...she is already telling her lies. That is no mother in anyones book. This is not easy...much harder than your deployment. I have seen this a hundred times...do not let her blame this on your job....I deployed seven times and three remotes...every time a spouse had an affair they blame it on the deployment. Guaranteed she did it before you left or wanted to and just waited for you to leave...be proud of your job and keep your head up...nothing is more important than your daughter. Forget the wedding on the beach...put it on the back burner and plan for your 20th anniversary. What would you tell one of your troops? You are a good man and she is lucky to have you...take care.