There is the conversation you both have together with the kids, and that is one specific occurance. In time, the kids will likely barely remember what the actual words you said were. They will instead remember their own pain and sadness and however they *felt* at that moment. What you say will drift in one ear and out the other, and the only word that will matter is "divorce".
But then there are the weeks and months that follow....as your children get used to the idea, they begin to piece it together for themselves. They go through their own stages of fear, grief, denial, anger, etc.
Over time, they will begin to ask you questions about things. This is how they piece it together. They will covertly ask you both the same question at different times and then size up your answers for themselves.
