I actually wasn't feeling rejected from this wedding; more from the shower coming up. This baby would have been my nephew; it is weird. When my SIL (xSIL) got divorced, I was sad that her X made no effort to meet my new baby. It was only a short time after their split, and we had both "come into" the family over the same weekend - he just disappeared. I tried to understand, then, but it was hard since I felt as close to him as I had to the other sibs - I knew them all for the same amount of time. The other sibs actually got a bit ticked that he was so avoident, and gave up trying to be in touch with him after a while. I SO get it, now.
I guess I just develop loyalties and connections more readily than they did.

Would it be more "normal" to just stop caring about these people who were family to me for more than 20 years? I wonder about the enmeshment issue...where is the line?

Saving the family home? No, not attached to this place, either. Not sure if I could sell it, though - the market is not what it used to be (might not be able to sell it for what I have out in loans on it), and there are repair issues that would have to be addressed. Expensive ones, along with tax things and permits that were never secured. There is all the work that was put into the apt, a back deck, the hot tub, upgraded electric panel (not sure if that was done through the town or not - probably not), the front deck, a shed.....it might be a small fortune owed to the town for variances. And remember all of the things he did (and didn't do?), like the pool fiasco and the sun room? I am just now trying to get those repaired.

I actually wouldn't have minded finding another place - I have never loved this house. Its a long ranch. Nice yard, but on a slope. You can hear the highway from the front. There have been a lot of updates that have made me happier with it, and the apt income-potential, though. But being a seller in this market sucks, there were the in-laws, and it would be another adjustment for the kids...

You said "chance of reconcilling." What on earth gave you the impression that that might even be a possibility? Am I missing something?