I think you handled it perfectly. You were appropriately supportive, you didn't take the "oh-poor-me" bait, and you didn't degenerate into R talk. I think you couldn't have done anything better.
That was great.
The gist of it before that...about regret and contrition and be a man...that doesn't help it doesn't apply, and after time slowly works away at the resolve of the LBS to be married.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
While I was sitting on your virtual porch with my virtual shotgun I was wondering about whether "keeping on, keeping on" after age 52 1/2 is a good strategy. I am 60 now. I started when you did.
I have STOOD, and I am still married but not too happily.
One of the undercurrents that is not considered too often on this site, are finances. To be discarded when you are shuffling along in what you have imagined was a nice life, is disconcerting enough. To have to regroup and reinvent while you are foaming at the mouth with jealousy is difficult.
Fox, I do want to trade lives. I would blast your academic and sorta sweet husband. You would confront my wayward genius and frighten him. He would be so startled to see you in your nice leather pants.
I have no real suggestions. Well, I do. Keep the house.
Ha! Flicka, how 'bout if I just get stoned instead.
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
My grandaughters live in Alaska. There was an incident lately. A yearling moose got caught in the school yard. Kids chased and screamed at it. It died on the fence.
Jack - Pearl and Jon followed me over here from Newcomers. I'm glad they continue to stay in touch. Pretty sure Jon's W is in MLC also and we have both read the MLC articles.
I read and consider and ponder everyone's posts to me. I'm wondering what you think of Ali's advice? She offered up something different compared to what I've been doing lately.
I feel like I'm on a race against time now. H is looking for work in OW's town 200 miles away - he may get a position as soon as next September. He's pushing for the D NOW. That's one of the reasons he broke down last night. He knows he messed up and he's trying to fix it all quickly so he can get his "fresh start".
1. We stayed in contact when he dropped the first bomb. I was emotional but tried to stay friendly - nothing changed 2. Second bomb - my first instinct was to tell him "I will not share you or compete for you. Leave me alone now". 3. I backed off that stance as I began to read about MLC and affairs and found DB. I offered friendship again and we stayed in contact - nothing changed 4. The A continued, he continued to put more energy into it, spending money like crazy. I started feeling like a doormat. 5. He filed, I countered - nothing changed 6. I started NC last fall and complete dark since Jan. - nothing changed (except that I became much stronger and more in control of my emotions)
Now I'm open to contact with him again but as I said, he's trying to wheel and deal a D while I'm hanging on by a thread trying to stall, stall, stall, hoping he'll hit bottom soon (last night was a start I think) or the Catbitch will do herself in or both. Damn.
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
