Healing from a lifetime of self-deprecation

[still hopeful]

FIB,

You wrote:

SH...is she violating anything written into your D agreement? What is your visitation schedule?

She is not. My present circumstances are MY challenge. I am hopeful that she will not make asserting my parental rights legally necessary, but she may. At this point, I need to get back on my feet on financially, get my head on straight with regard to her (I've come a long way since our most recent interactions), and ALL of this will be facilitated by STEP ONE: maintaining a positive attitude and putting forth consistent, concerted productive effort towards finding new employment. I know I have 100% control over both of those aspects of my life and my journey.

I would move rapidly to drop this and move on with your life. Although the initial letter that you wrote was moving...and powerful...the follow-ups show a pattern of codependency and neediness.

Unclear what you mean 'this.' To what are you referring that I should drop rapidly? If you are referring to my XW, I have let her go. It's actually much easier than I thought it would be, but upon simply making a decision, surprisingly, I've found it's not. Very strange for me to feel that way now after fearing it for over 3 years.

Move rapidly to regain your life...your composure and the feeling that only your W can love you.

I am moving, however, not as rapidly as I'd like, but that is simply due to my present circumstances, NOT XW. My composure is stabilizing and I have come to understand again that I am attractive to women, I AM 'good enough', and I know other women absolutely WILL love me.

She is sleeping with other men. You are divorced. Let it go.

I know. Sadly, that's been more the rule rather than the exception in my sitch. I understand we're divorced, and I've accepted that fact. I've let it go; My baseless fear was unfounded. Reality is a lot less painful than I feared and my best years are ahead of me. I deserve to be happy and I deserve to be with a woman who will love me in return.

My new mantra is 'movement brings clarity'. I am initiating movement. I am gaining clarity. Thank you for chiming in.