I can understand where FIB is coming from since it is coming up 3 years since his bomb. The difference is he is living in a very hostile environment with an angry wife that hates him. Your H does not hate you - he hates his day to day life and is overstressed with work. He seems so similar to BobbiJo's H. As Woog would say - "they are broken". I think they have just lost some of the spice in their lives, but it can only be them that brings the spice back.
I also can totally relate to sticking it out for the kids. Looking back, I can see that was my most important reason for trying to save my marriage. Only you can decide when enough is enough. I do commend you and think it very honorable and noble that you stuck it out this long.
