My W accidently emailed me a correspondence between she and her sister regarding the OP. I saw the first sentence, and then threw out the rest, as I didn't want to see information that wasn't intended for me.
Hi CL, so pleased you and puppy are having some good times as for your quandry, maybe a case of no pain, no gain. Where do you see yourself 3 years from now? Sometimes we have to light the blue touch paper and stand well back to enable us to see the shooting stars and the night sky shimmering and glorious.
Where do you see yourself 3 years from now? Sometimes we have to light the blue touch paper and stand well back to enable us to see the shooting stars and the night sky shimmering and glorious.
Hugs to you and pup.
Naej, The current situation is not that uncomfortable. I get freedom and a nice place to live. The excitement of building connections and skills with my hobbies buffers the dissatisfaction of my M. My guess is that this cannot sustain as a long-term plan, and my impatience will grow.
The problem is that staying in this situation presents as an opportunity cost for a future relationship. It's not a problem for now, as I'm not ready, nor should be in a new R. It could be a problem down the road when I'm ready, and if I haven't moved on. My guess is that being ready and having a desire to date, or meeting a special lady, will be the motivation that serves as a catalyst to move thru a D, and unbalancing the status quo.
Moving towards something positive, seems easier to present to my W, than wanting to leave abruptly out of impatience and annoyance, because she seems to be in a holding pattern.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Does this mean that she can do whatever she wants, see whomever she wants and treat you like crap?
Does this mean that you will continue to keep swallowing the [censored] she is feeding you because it is easier for you?
Does this mean that you will keep trying to fill your life with different activities as a good distraction rather then setting boundaries and accountability for her?
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Does this mean that she can do whatever she wants, see whomever she wants and treat you like crap?
Does this mean that you will continue to keep swallowing the [censored] she is feeding you because it is easier for you?
Does this mean that you will keep trying to fill your life with different activities as a good distraction rather then setting boundaries and accountability for her?
BND, I can see you don't vote for the let the story unfold approach. I'm not sure what boundaries you propose I enforce, and for what reason.
The only option I see in this is to pursue a D, and that's going to unbalance things. I will need to plan well for and be prepared for implementing that decision. Pursuing a D, at this time would be highly unpleasant.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
My W invited me to join her and the OP at their dance venue this weekend. She also invited me to join them to go to a dance venue tonight. I declined.
She and the OP are taking a two week trip to go to his college reunion in Puerto Rico this summer. She invited me to go, as therre is a dance convention at that time nearby. She wants to get a group of local dancers to go.
I don't know what her motive is, or where her head is at, but I don't want any part of it. I think she's trying to keep her home life stable.
She's not sleeping well. She called in sick for her PT job again.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
BND, Thanks for your concern. I appreciate it. There is no easy way out of this situation.
If I pursue a D, I want to be sure that I'm committed enough to handle the disruption, and that my intention is to improve my life, and not leave because I'm frustrated, or want to punish my W, or because I can't control the situation.
I'm a believer in karma (cause and effect), and believe there will be some form of consequences at some point, for my W.
I don't think I can tolerate this indefinitely (years), but can for now (weeks and months), to see how this plays out, and to work on my own personal growth. Pursuing a D, would put personal growth on hold, as I believe the D process would be consuming of my energy.
I meet with my IC tomorrow.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
You are one of a few stories that I follow these days, probably one of just 5 or so that I have time to read and occasionally post to.
Originally Posted By: CL
BND, I can see you don't vote for the let the story unfold approach. I'm not sure what boundaries you propose I enforce, and for what reason.
Just to follow up on BND's comments. To the outsider your "let the story unfold" approach could be easily be mistaken for a "bury your head in the sand" approach. Added to that, the email to W that you mistakenly came across but didn't read, this could also fall into the same category, or it could be interpreted in that way. ie if you don't see any explosive details, you won't have to act on it, and you won't have to rock the boat and disturb the status quo that you have now become accustomed to. (I know I've been in that situation).
Anyway I will not become a well "meaning friend" with advice to give you a quick fix to end the sitch, but you know your stitch the best and you know what you can and can't take, so I would just say pursue the path you feel able to follow even if others (including me) find it difficult to understand.
